...in a weird way I have anticipated all of it...sort of a year ago it all became very clear. The loss of health.marriage and job . And yes,I am now very close to the last of the three, a month or two away.Then the hat trick is finally a reality. I am a patient person ,so I waited for the last of the three to arrive. And I can already see it approaching nicely and steadily.Due to the nature of my highly specialised job I will not be able to make any decent living when outside that occupation. Doing something new ? It's a lifelong vocation and it's all I am good at. Picking up from there will not be possible. I simply know that. I have no depression issues ,never had, but I realise that there is only so much one person can endure. There is a limit in my case,and I know it very well. No pills ,no talk can solve this. This is above the limit.Full Stop. It seems that the one solution , reserved only for the worst imaginable case is now needed soon. I will certainly not hesitate and I am immensely looking forward having some peace finally.