Drain on society

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ixil, Aug 11, 2016.

  1. Ixil

    Ixil New Member

    So, I'm 28, can't get or hold a job, failed college four separate times, left the military because of a suicide attempt (my first of two). It's clear I'm of no use to anyone in my life, all I do is drain on them emotionally and financially. I'm probably an addict, but I just don't care. I've stopped taking my meds, they don't work anyway, and I've spent all night watching videos of suicides and trying to decide on a good method.

    In the last five months I've been dropped by three therapists, <ModEdit:Method> all the while I've worked maybe a total of a month. I'm worthless and pathetic and this world would empirically be better off without me. The proof is there, my parents wouldn't be draining money into me anymore, my friend wouldn't have to deal with my drama all the time.

    So yeah, I'm just about out of reasons to keep going. Not sure what to expect in response to this, just felt like venting a little.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2016
  2. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to SF. I am not that good at responses but I want to say I've heard you and I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. I sympathise with feeling worthless, there are just a few hours a week where I feel like I add a little value to the world. Do you have a psychiatrist or psychologist? It sounds as though a therapist is not enough for you at the moment, and from my point of view they don't compare to a good psychologist. How long have you been depressed? All the best, I hope you can hang on and because it sounds like you are making a plan and may act on your feelings, will you consider seeking immediate help from professionals?
  3. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    You're obviously worth saving if your family "pump money in all the time" and your friend is there "all the time" to listen to your moans. People are sticking by you most likely in the hope that you will come out the other end and that you will accept thier support. Possibly it's not the right time for you to be worrying about work and take a bit more time to sort things in your head. Life always comes together and bad times don't last forever. Please stick with us.
  4. Ixil

    Ixil New Member

    One of them was a psychologist and she still dropped me... abandoned me like everyone else in my life. At this point I've given up on doctors, none of them seem to want to help me further than shoving me into the hospital which only ever exacerbates my problems. I do have a psychiatrist still, though I haven't seen her in almost two months. She hasn't changed anything besides adding a marginal amount of Aripipazole which I haven't noticed any effect from. And yes I tell her everything.

    As for "friends," I moved here for a treatment facility which, at the time, did help. After it ended, albeit not how I would have liked it to end, I stayed because of three people, friends I thought I had made. Since then two have ceased talking to me entirely and the third is just as depressed as I am. Our relationship could probably be seen as unhealthy by a lot of professionals.

    My mother hates me and wants to cut me off, we've spoken maybe a total of 40 words in the last almost two years since I started transitioning. My father seems to think I can simply turn my entire life around and not be a fuckup if I just go out and get a job right this second. It's not like I haven't tried to get one either, I just can't seem to do it.
  5. Disconnected

    Disconnected Member

    If you feel like a drain on society and feel the need to contribute to this world, maybe it's a good idea to get out of your environment for some time and do some volunteer work in a foreign country?
    You can choose things like helping people, helping animals, helping nature,...

    You could focus your mind on other things, meet new people, help a good cause.

    I know I give this advice a lot, but I do this because it's the best advice I got from my family. I think about doing this myself too. The only problem is that you still need a job after that, but maybe the experience can help you get a new state of mind, and maybe that new state of mind can help you get a job. I don't know, I hope you can figure things out.
  6. mentalhealthnurse

    mentalhealthnurse Well-Known Member

    Volunteering can be really good for self esteem it also lets you try things out. It opens doors and let's you see what your potential is without the pressure and stress. I have a close family and still feel lonely, they don't know how to help me or maybe feel that my problems just aren't as bad as I make them out to be. Sometimes friends become afraid of making things worse and saying the wrong thing. Life always rights itself you just need to hold up your head, be proud of who you are and you will see your path clearer xx
  7. narc0tics

    narc0tics Member

    Hey, I really hope you're okay. Reading this I can relate to a lot of it, though I'm not as old as you.... hope you're safe
  8. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    You're not draining society, and probably at least a decent human being. So why do you feel like you're not entitled to living your life, as anyone else is doing? (Keep in mind there are plenty of 'people' out there who are truly draining our resources and you don't fit into their category). I agree about volunteering. I started it and it's given me purpose and you're giving back not taking anything..except the invaluable experience and connections you forge from doing it. And I'm 29 and only preparing to start over again, because of a relationship that abruptly ended, and I've just had a lot of 'energy' taken right out of me for the past several years. I am on a baby-step journey to a better, individualized, and differentiated life. I think you just need to start that process too.