Drained ... And funerals

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    That's the only word for it. I feel drained. Not tired. Emotionally, mentally, drained. Like I can't take anything else. Like I could sleep for a month. Like getting in to bed and just not getting out again. Like even smiling, talking, eating, is too much hassle.

    Two funerals in three days. I know I didn't know the people very well, but they have drained me so much.
    Tuesdays' did because I was so worried about my Dad and was trying to be super nice and friendly to all his family who I haven't seen in years.
    Todays' one was hard because it actually DID upset me. A lot. I was about to cry and I looked to my left and saw my little cousin crying...so I went into my usual "must look after them, must be strong" mode and was there for her. Then I noticed my aunt crying too, so I made my Mum go and look after her while I kept an eye on my cousin.
    Finally got out of the funeral...feeling like I was about to cry and I hear my old next door neighbour talking to my Mum about the night my Nan died. :dry: Then when she saw me she started talking to me too. Saying that she can't walk past a red cardigan without thinking of my Nan. That sometimes she thinks she can still hear my Nan in the house. That she's still there. And chatted about Nan's funeral too. I didn't need that.

    I can't take very much more. I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I don't even know what I am. Just tired. Tired of it all. I want a break. I want things to be easy for a while. I want things to be normal. I want to be left alone for a few days to just ...... be alone.

    I don't know how much more I can take. I'm snapping at everyone. I'm leaning on people too much...One person in particular...I'm not eating unless i'm forced. I'm drinking. I'm sleeping too much.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Oh Sam I Am...how sad...consider yourself big cyber hugged from me...with fondness, J
  3. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Sad :hug: thanks hun :hug:
  4. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    It's understandable Sam - funerals are naturally sad occasions, and with little sleep and emotion = exhausted... :) :hug:
  5. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: thank you x
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    YVW...Big hugs again...J
  7. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Hey sam.

    I really feel for you going through such a rollercoaster in such short space of time.

    I hope things look up soon.
    You still have my msn if you want to talk

    take care
  8. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :hug: Kenny, thanks hun. Nice to know people care and don't think i'm stupid for moaning about nothing :hiding:
  9. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    you never moan about nothing hun :hug:
    anything emotional is draining hun, but its even worse when you have to put on a face and then to be put out of your comfort zone by someoen who doesnt know when to shut up.
    i loves you hun, and i think you deserve a good few days in bed, like i said to you, tea and teddy and maybe a :cuddle2: or two.
    i couldnt think of anyone who deserves it more hun.
  10. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :wub: sweetie, thank you :hug:
  11. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    other sam xxx
  12. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    is it possible to be too tired to cry? :blink:
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes :hug:

    It's all possible to be too sad to cry. Funerals are naturally sad hun, you did the right thing by staying strong for your little cousin. January was a bad start to the year for you, I hope it gets better. :hug: