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Drastic Decisions after Failed Suicide Attempt

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I'm a Junior. A few weeks ago I was evacuated from my university's on campus apartment, and put on 24/7 supervision from the university's counseling department. I was very depressed, refused to go anywhere (class and work included) and wouldn't turn on my phone because I didn't want to be bothered. I had purchased sleeping pills and had decided within my next breakdown I was just going to end it all. Once my mom seen I had deactivated my facebook she got scared and called the school's counseling support center. There I was monitored until she was able to drive the 4hrs to get me. They took care of my classes and job, and I was given a medical leave. A few days after being back home after getting into with my ex and being told horrible things I just lost it. I took the bottle of pills and didn't tell anyone but him. He contacted my sister, who contacted my mom, who broke down the bathroom door and rushed me to the hospital. I was put in ICU with a catheder for two days, than send to the psychiatric ward and after a few days was dissolved due to my dads insurance not wanting to pay for anymore days. I don't feel like I've gotten any better, and often I find myself rethinking about attempting it again. I've been out of my Uni for about 4 weeks now, too behind to catch up so I'm going to withdrawal. I don't even see myself returning anytime soon, nor practically anything if my fogged up future. I am supposed to stay here in my home town with my mother and getting psychiatric help (they just switched my antidepressants), but my oldest sister (2yrs older than me) wants me to live with her across the U.S. She can financially support me and has bought me a bed, and even purchased a 2 bedroom apartment so I can move ASAP. I just feel so numb about everything lately, I told her I would go and my parents were saying how she'd be the best thing for me right now, but then my mother keeps giving me split answers saying things like ""You need to finish your BA, you can't take my truck with you, etc." I have my Associates degree. My sister offered to share her car with me, and says I don't have to work or anything and just work on myself but my mother says my health insurance won't work there and that I'll only be able to see the doctors here. My sisters in Oregon (I'm in Kansas). I just feel too bad to turn away from her now, but I don't really have anything to lose. Sometimes I feel like I'll miss my ex (we were getting back together) but I don't want to base my life off of his. I'm just very confused, feeling helpless, broke, and I just think I'll burden my sister, and it's hurting my mothers pride having me home for a reason so she wants me to file for disability. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm cut off from my mothers support if I leave. Support as in doctors, phone plan, truck, etc.


Staff Alumni
Hi Starrbaby235,

Sounds complicated.. and the word "complicated" here I think is an understatement. I'm glad you got a medical leave and now are doing okay. Either way, I hope you are satisfied with whichever path you decide to take (moving away or staying put). Hugs, and welcome....Alex
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