Dread & Betrayal of the self

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Krem, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    You mock me.

    Yes, I do.

    Why?

    Because you deserve it. And because I enjoy it.

    And why do I deserve it?

    Because you've spent your life priding yourself on being smarter than others, of being an intellectual. You let your body be damned, your social life, your mental health, because you cared only for your brains. You damned others, as well, because you saw them as lessers, that they were mindless, blind fools. If there was a god, he'd have quite the sense of irony.

    Gee, you sure are friendly.

    I'm you. You believe in fairness, of equality. And so I judge you as you judge others.

    And you find me lacking.

    Yes. I do.

    But, I could be wrong. I've been wrong before. 'specially now, when I seem to be wrong all the time.

    Even if you were wrong, you'd not believe it- You need someone whom you respect to tell you something for you to believe it.

    And I don't respect myself?

    No, you don't. You loathe yourself. Your own stupidity infuriates you.

    I should block you. In addition to being an ass, you make me look more emo than I wish.

    But you can't. And you know it. I'm you, and even if you were to try, you'd replace me with yourself.

    Well, that's just lovely.

    Hey, let's talk about the future now, shall we?

    Do I have a choice?

    Not at all.

    Of course.

    Let's begin. Currently, you're failing pretty much everything. Keeping up with the plot in books is harder, you can't remember names, solving puzzles is harder, you're losing friends way faster than you're replacing them, your speech is getting worse, your body is getting fatter, slower, and weaker, and your health is getting worse. And now, you got a 4 in chemistry. That's something newish.
    In a few years, your body will become almost unusable. You'll not have any friends, or anyone you talk to. You'll be expected to put more effort out, while having less effort to use. You've probably failed school by then, and dropped out, knowing all the while that other idiots can finish. Everyone you knew has moved on and has a bright future ahead of them. You probably won't be able to solve any puzzles on your own, even those designed for children. You won't be able to comprehend anything you read. But you'll still be in denial about your own idiocy.

    Because I gave everything else away, because I thought I could depend on my brain.

    Yes, indeed. But now, and here's where it gets funny, your brain is failing you, and the time you had where molding it so that you can do anything else, something that might bring you join, was possible, is over. But, hey, at least you'll be able to talk to the poles you'll be working with, cleaning shit-stained toilets. Oh, that's right, neither of you will be able to understand the other.

    Well then, Mr. Smarty-pants, why'm I posting this? This seems like something you'd, y'know keep private. And I know that nobody who'd otherwise read this could do anything.

    Because you, in your dried-up pool of wisdom, know that you need support. But you should also know that nobody knows the words you'd need to feel better, because you don't know them yourself. (And you're never wrong)

    Fuck you.

    I don't have to. But while we're on the subject, and you were so polite to me, I'm gonna bring up the image again, with commentary-- They're having fun without you. Fun you'll never have. He's a much better friend to her than you'd ever be, for he cares without being obsessive. She trusts him, because he's not judgemental. He likes her more than you, because you annoy him, you're controlling, and you don't know when to shut up, stop, or leave.

    Gee, thanks.

    My pleasure.
     
  2. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    This may not be the most appropriate response, but this is amazing. I can relate to a lot of this. Thank you for posting.

    :hug: <--- if you want it.
     
  3. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I was hoping for more, but a single person giving support is quite better than nobody. :)