Dreaded Friend Zone

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Earn, Jun 16, 2008.

  1. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I recently got introduced to a girl by one of my friends.And since then we've been talking probably everyday.I've known her for about 2 weeks now and we get along really good.we got a lot in common and we are alot alike.We do those stupid myspace survey things back and forth on the bulletin boards and we always say quit copying my answers.We are both kinda shy about our feelings for the other but we've both confessed that we kinda like each other.And what's worrying me is I've been here before and everytime except for once I've ended up as "Oh I just like you as a friend".

    And right now is kinda the time when things go from "I kinda like you" to "I like you as a friend" and I don't know how to stop that or how to get out of the "Friend Zone".Were both kinda shy about our feelings and we kinda already said that we liked each other.altho i think ive already said that.We live about 1.5 hours from each other and I've been through a long distance relationship and this one would be closer so I wouldnt have to much of a problem with the distance and she said she would do a long distance thing as long as she got to see him often.

    So I guess what I'm trying to ask is.How does one not get into the friend zone? or how do you get out of the friend zone if your in it?

    Do I get more aggressive with her?Do I play hard to get?Do I what?I dont know what to do.Ive been here before and acted normal and just like myself and ive always ended up as the friend.

    We got plans for the end of the month to hang out for an afternoon.so what should I do then?I'm not very good at telling how the mood is or when there are signs of like "hold my hand" or "Kiss me" so Help me anyone guys or girls what have you done before in this situation?
     
  2. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    Tell her directly that you want to take her out for a date at the end of the month, not just to hang out and have fun. Let her know that you do "like" her, being a really nice fun guy to hang out with is great, for chillin' with the homies. But with a girl you really like it sends them the signal that you see them as a friend, even if you don't. Sorry for the shitty grammar and all. Best of luck. And if she says "I like you as a friend" get her to introduce you to some of her friends.
     
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Yeah I agree, be more aggressive. At least straightforward anyway, but maybe she's got a sense of humor and you can tell her that you want to stab her with your pork sword.
     
  4. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    hmm, that might work. But either way it goes it will be a good story.
     
  5. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    haha I don't think the pork sword thing would work haha.
     
  6. Zooty

    Zooty Active Member

    Be honest, tell how how you feel and that you want to be more than friends. Sooner you do it the better too long and you will get stuck in that friends zone
     
  7. anonymous51

    anonymous51 Staff Alumni

    Why are guys always worried about the "friend zone." I would be happy if a girl acknowledged me in any sense at all let alone go out on a date with me :unsure: :sad:
     
  8. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    Because for those that have little problem actually talking to girls, the "friends zone" is the same as never talking to girls at all. In fact it might be worse because you know how great this girl actually is but you know you'll never be that one she adores. You get everything a bf would get with closeness and personal connection but you never get the special connection that only occurs in an actual dating relationship. When you don't talk to girls at all, it hurts to never be with one but you only have what you picture it would be like.

    As for the OP, I agree that you need to just come out and tell her everything. Being in the friends zone is worse than maybe losing her by telling her. Once you are in the zone, there is no getting out.
     
  9. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I totaly know how that goes.Shes been busy and i havent gotten much time to talk to her.but im gonna bring it up next time we have time to talk.or when i go to hang out with her for awhile.which is on the 28th so not too long.
     
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't be too straightforward with words before you hang out. For a girl, the spontanaeity and "not knowing" is pretty exciting. That being said, if you don't make a move, she will probably write you off as a friend. So wait until you are hanging out alone, make significant eye contact throughout to give her an idea of what you are thinking without actually tipping your hand and then make your move (I am partial to the firm but gentle kiss, lip over lip, no tongue as a good first move, so much the better if you have the confidence to actually gently touch her face or hold her chin at the same time), as if you knew all along she was into you. If she really is into you, this should come as a very pleasant surprise and she will reciprocate. If not, you are at least getting an honest reaction and can move on from there if you really want to talk about it. The goal here is to surprise her in order to get an honest reaction, as opposed to trying to talk it to death and giving her a chance to over-intellectualize the situation.

    That being said, a relationship that STARTS as a long-distance one generally has a significantly lesser chance of of being successful than most.

    If you really want to stay out of the friend zone, then for crying out loud don't take the above advice by talking it to death like she might do with one of her best mates. You might as well just throw a Hannah Montana slumber party and braid her hair.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2008
  11. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Hmm conflicting advice.thats always fun to figure which one to fallow.I dont think ill talk to her about starting a relationship untill were hanging out.And i probably wont push it too much then.and i know for sure i dont have the confidence to make a move like that.
     
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    <mod edit: bunny - reply to deleted> A little note that says "If you like me check this box?" And where do you think the phrase "sweep her off her feet" comes from, because I'm pretty sure it didn't originate with an IM or a conversation over the phone. In person, you can read body language, you can make physical contact and you can be infinitely more romantic than you can when you are apart. You yourself have stated in previous posts that you effed up 2 friendships by just flat-out telling the girl about your feelings. Men today can be so wimpy when it comes to actually making a move on a girl and just saying "I like you as more than a friend" just comes off as lazy and half-hearted. Geez people, make an effort. Do something romantic.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2008
  13. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    I'm not gonna ask her out or anything.She lives about an hour from here and i'm sure that even if i went for anything i would get turned down by her. so I don't need anymore advice. thanx anyways
     
  14. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Hey why don't you two take your fighting and name calling somewhere else.Instead of posting them on a thread that was asking for advice.

    Have some courtesy for others.
     
  15. bunny

    bunny Staff Alumni

    Sorry for the disturbance Earn, the offending posts have been deleted/edited hopefully from this point people will remember this is a support forum, not a place to bicker
     
  16. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Thanx Bunny