Dreading tomorrow on so many levels. I am going to see my usual GP tomorrow (thank god!). My dad got me the appointment as he thinks I need my medication adjusted. It's true I suppose but I just feel completely lost with it. Like everything is now out of my control. I suppose I should tell her a bit about last week and how I'm feeling. I'm struggling right now. I can't cope with the mood swings. I can't cope with being irritable all the time. I can't cope with noise. I am probably not actively suicidal. I am thinking about it a lot. I am thinking about writing my suicide letters. I am thinking of an almost fail free method. Will I tell her this, I don't know. I am also getting anxious quite a lot. I don't have massive panic attacks. I get small frequent ones if stress is getting to me or if I work myself up. I am so irritated all the time. I cannot stand it. Also tomorrow afternoon, my friend is taking me to uni. I told her about what happened last week and she gave me a big bollocking for not telling her sooner. She knew I was suffering from depression but she didn't realise it was this bad. She's worried about my next placement as I am going to where she is just coming from. It's the cancer ward and she said she's worried about how I am going to cope on there. She's also worried how I am coping in general. So she's taking me to uni to talk to them about how things are going, so I have some support in place and had some extensions on my assignment deadlines. I just hope they don't see me as unfit to practice that I have to suspend my course or get thrown off. I don't know what to say to them or anything. Or how to start off. What I should and shouldn't say. I am so scared about it. I don't want to have to change placements either. Please, I need some strength to get through tomorrow. I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I just want to be normal, or be emotionless so the pain doesn't hurt.