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Dreading Tomorrow

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Butterfly

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#1
Dreading tomorrow on so many levels. I am going to see my usual GP tomorrow (thank god!). My dad got me the appointment as he thinks I need my medication adjusted. It's true I suppose but I just feel completely lost with it. Like everything is now out of my control. I suppose I should tell her a bit about last week and how I'm feeling. I'm struggling right now. I can't cope with the mood swings. I can't cope with being irritable all the time. I can't cope with noise. I am probably not actively suicidal. I am thinking about it a lot. I am thinking about writing my suicide letters. I am thinking of an almost fail free method. Will I tell her this, I don't know. I am also getting anxious quite a lot. I don't have massive panic attacks. I get small frequent ones if stress is getting to me or if I work myself up. I am so irritated all the time. I cannot stand it.

Also tomorrow afternoon, my friend is taking me to uni. I told her about what happened last week and she gave me a big bollocking for not telling her sooner. She knew I was suffering from depression but she didn't realise it was this bad. She's worried about my next placement as I am going to where she is just coming from. It's the cancer ward and she said she's worried about how I am going to cope on there. She's also worried how I am coping in general. So she's taking me to uni to talk to them about how things are going, so I have some support in place and had some extensions on my assignment deadlines. I just hope they don't see me as unfit to practice that I have to suspend my course or get thrown off. I don't know what to say to them or anything. Or how to start off. What I should and shouldn't say. I am so scared about it. I don't want to have to change placements either.

Please, I need some strength to get through tomorrow. I don't want this. I don't want any of this. I just want to be normal, or be emotionless so the pain doesn't hurt.
 

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#2
If you are finding it difficult to talk to your doc how about writting it down?
That way you say what needs to be said without actually having to say it.
don't worry too much about uni, they're usually pretty understanding when it comes to stress etc.

good luck for tomorrow, I'll keep my fingers crossed everything goes well :hug:
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#3
hopefully the gp will be able to make some good adjustments in your meds, and you will be able to get some accommodations for your school work.

I don't know if you would want to try learning a simple meditation technique or not, but I'll describe one just in case. so sitting or lying down, eyes open or closed, breathing deeply into the abdomen, not the chest, allowing the stomach to expand but not forcing the breath. trying to let the mind be clear

getting a massage might also help.

I could try to describe an acupressure self-massage to you, if you would like

hope that things get better soon!
 

icequeen

Well-Known Member
#4
as Terry says, how about writing it down, thats what my therapist suggests, make notes between appointments. the problem you have is that if you tell the truth, you dont know what will happen, if you lie, you wont get the meds or treatment you need..is it the end if you have to delay your course for a while...to get you well..its less pressure on you but if you can do both all well and good...just see how the appt goes..tell as much as you feel comfortable with but acknowledge that maybe your meds need changing which wont happen unless you are more than a little bit honest...rock and a hard place...good luck :cheekkiss
 
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