• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

Dream or memory... (will trigger)

Not open for further replies.
I posted this in my journal, but also feel the need to post it here, to get some feedback. I don't know if this was a memory, or just a dream, and I really need to figure that out.

I had a dream last night, I think I'm starting to remember but not sure. I can't help but think that I am, while at the same time I know maybe my mind is just trying to fill in the blanks.

I'm at the bar, the girls are here, but he isn't. 2 shots of patron, yuck, I hate tequila. But hey, she's buying, down the hatch. That's enough for me. One more? No, I know my limits. I'm up to sing soon, Coal Miner's Daughter. You insist? Well, one more can't hurt.

What's he doing here? I haven't seen him in so long... he's walking over. I introduce him to my friends, now I'm ready to leave, but Josalyn is pestering me, she wants to hear me sing. Okay, I'll stay for the song. He bought a round, Disaronno, my favorite. He's carrying a tray, hands me my shot and sets the tray down, the girls each grab one, he takes the last, a toast... to old friends and new ones... Cheers! Down the hatch. Yuck, it tastes like crap after patron...

I hear my name, make my way to the stage, my God I'm so drunk, I trip up the stairs and it makes me laugh, I'm okay. No, no I'm not okay. I'm dizzy, gonna be sick. The music starts, I'm singing, I have to stop, try to make it to the bathroom, I can't make it, I fall.

He's carrying me, now it's cold, there's a breeze, it feels good. I'm outside. I'm sick, puking my guts out, Jos is here, holding my hair, and Tiff, rubbing my back, he's holding me up. Are you okay? The ground is cool, I'm sitting now, it's cold on my face, the brick column. What are they talking about? He says he's gonna take me to my house, Jos says no, she will take me, he says it's okay, it's on the way to his place... that's a lie. I try to tell them it's a lie, I can't talk.

Soft, leather, his car, now I'm in his car. The windows are down, black, nothing. Wait, I hear something. A small, weak, pathetic voice... what are you doing? It's my voice. My eyes, I can barely open them, I see his face, a face I once thought to be so kind, so gentle, why are you doing this? Don't do this. This isn't you. I can't fight, I can't move. His face, no expression. I can't move, I have to go someplace else, drifting, am I falling asleep? Black, nothing.
Huh? What's going on? Where am I? I know this car, I know that house. That's his house and this is his car, so where is he? My clothes? In the floorboard. What happened? What time is it? Get my phone, damn, it's 3:30. Where is he? The bar is close, my truck is there. I'm walking back to the bar, I fall, so dizzy, must still be drunk. Across Mason, through the parking lot, my truck is there, no other cars. I fall again, how much did I drink? Now I'm home, in my shower, sitting letting the water run over me, crying... why am I crying? I don't know, off to bed.

Then I woke up. Was this just a dream? I can't help but wonder...
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount