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Dream *possibly a trigger*

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by *dilligaf*, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I shut my eyes, and all I could see was her face in that coffin. I could feel her cold skin. I could feel her hair. I could see everyone standing around. I could hear the conversation and the tears.
    I couldn't shut it out, even right now I can see her face, she looked so fucking peaceful. I'll never be peaceful again. I can't get rid of the image.
    Come on, this is getting pathetic now, it's been well over two months. It's getting stupid, I really should be past this stage now, I'm so fucking sad.
    Someone even just about told me the other night that I should be over it. And guess what, they are right.
    I went to the grave yesterday, I haven't been for a while because it was upsetting me, it looked AWFUL, no one else has bothered to go to see her. Says it all doesn't it. She would have done anything for anyone and her fucking family can't even be bothered to go to her grave once in a while. Anyway, there was dead flowers there, flowers that I had left there weeks ago. It looked so sad, so lonely, I never wanted to leave. I don't want to leave her alone, I want to be 'there' with her.
    I'm making no fucking sense as usual. Think I'm just going to go and go mad silently instead of making everyone listen to it.
    Sorry x
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Your not sad or pathetic. 2 month is nothing really, in terms of learning to live with the loss of a loved one.
  3. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    ^ mystic eyes is right.
    it takes a while to move on from loosing someone close,
    theres really no limit when it comes to the time it takes to move on
    so the person who said you should be over it is wrong.
    have you talked about the dream/nightmare or talked about your friends death?
    don't rush it, if your still not over the loss
    these things take some time..
    i'm here if you wanna talk :hug:
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    hey bella,
    it was my nan i lost, someone i lived with, someone i cared for and someone i loved more than life.
    i have talked to friends about her death. and im sure im boring my girlfriend making her listen to it.
    thanks for the offer to listen
  5. bella muerte

    bella muerte Well-Known Member

    i'm sorry she died hun!
    keep talking about it,
    talking about her death will ease your grief
    not in huge amounts but it's the best way to go about things.
    try writing letters and taking it to her grave?
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Baby, im not getting bored of it!! and i never will. I'm here to support you. Your not meant to be over it by now. You can't put a time limit on things like this hun. If you wanna talk about it then im more than willing to listen. I need you to be safe, i love you and can't be without you.
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    i cant and wont talk to u about it anymore baby. i have been going on about it for the last 2 and half months. things have changed now. after ****** i cant talk to u about it now, it doesnt feel right, it feels selfish, it feels bitchy, it feels wrong.
    im here for YOU now :hug:

    bella, thank u so much, i might write her a letter, even if i dont take it to her grave writing it might help. :hug:
  8. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I haven't been able to go and see my step-mum's grave as yet, we don't know where her grave is located, we have a code number but that is all and the cemetery is like a maze and is a hard place to get to but when I go, I am going to place a poem on there. It will help because I don't believe she is gone.

    The beauty on this Earth is her, the moon in the midnight sky, the sunset, a bright star standing out at night, any good news or anything good that happens in my life is a sign from her. She isn't gone, your nan isn't gone, that can be a comfort.

    Regardless of how you feel you did her wrong before her death, you didn't hun. I felt bad for the way I sometimes treated my step-mum, but she still loved me and actually, one of the last sentences I heard her say was "tell (my name) I love her" and you MUST believe she still loves you, otherwise it will tear you apart and I don't want that to happen to you.

    I don't think there's any family on this earth that is perfect, we all have things going on, rows, family crisis' etc it's really clear you loved your nan, and if she is still here (which I believe, personally), then she will be smiling down on you and will be at peace with the love and respect that is glowing from you.

    You're not expected to be over it, Sam. I certainly don't expect that of you. I think you may feel better if you do things to try and make her prouder than she is of you right now. Really try to beat your self harm, everytime you go to self harm, think of your nan and how much she didn't like it. Everytime you go to want to kill yourself, think of your nan, I'm sure that would be the last thing she wants.

    I don't mean for this to come across as guilt tripping, but what I'm trying to say is don't lose all control. As hard as it is, try and stay in control. In time, things will get easier. Take care of yourself. :hug:
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Res :hug: Sorry you haven't found your Step-Mum's grave yet. You sound like a very caring person, and I hope the poem will help you cope with your grief.

    I had this dream last night, and Nan was back alive, no one else believed her, they all thought they were imaging things, or that she was an imposter. I was the only one who had faith in her. There were doctors etc there, doing these test things on her to find out the truth. While everyone else was chatting etc, I was just standing infront of my Nan, staring into her eyes, talking to her. She was looking at me with this.........love (?) in her eyes. I was telling her I knew she could do it, that she could do it for me. And she did. She was back, and she had done it for me.
    I need to do the same, do things for her, I know I do, but I am finding it so hard.
    Sorry hun, I don't really know why I went through all of that. Sorry :hug:
  10. Shyfear

    Shyfear Well-Known Member

    Hey Sam,

    What you said describes my thoughts as well. Two months is much too soon to get over someone. I don't believe that we can ever get over someone. It's been almost six months since my sisters suicide and I still feel the same about it. I still see her laying in her coffen when I close my eyes, the funeral runs through my mind often. You aren't alone.

    I'm glad you visited her grave, though I am sorry to hear about the poor condition of it. Please consider that some people are bothered by graves, or feel that they shouldn't be visiting for some raeson. I do understand that some people are just plain assholes though.

    My sister's ashes are buried at our old homestead that we were forced out of by the bank. It was resold to a couple for practically nothing. It was the only place that felt like home to us and that's where she wanted to be laid to rest. I bought a stepping stone that said 'Home Sweet Home' as her gravemarker, and we had many fake flowers around it. It was beautiful. A couple weeks everything was gone. Either the owners took the flowers and stone because they didn't want people visiting it on there property or someone else stole them. I'm torn up by this because it's just like grave robbing, it's a slap in the face and so disrespectful. I'd like to find out who did it and kick their ass. Unfortunately I'm 500km from home for a while. But I know a part of how you feel.

    If you ever need to talk you can talk to me. I'll always listen. I hope you're doing well.
  11. I would avoid the person who told you that you should be over it by now. Two months is nothing. Nothing at all. Remember, she is in a better place now, she is with you and she is lucky to have you. Time will heal. xxx
  12. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    People grieve differently. Don't take their not going to the grave as not caring. Maybe they can't deal with it right now. Sometimes the pain is too great. I am so sorry for your loss and all I can tell you is that it will get better in your own time, not anyone else's, and no-one can or should tell you to get over it. That is insulting and rude, but then again, some people just cannot imagine or understand what you are going through...lucky for them.