dreams which I feel numb to.. *trigger*

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Kiba, May 7, 2013.

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  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Had a dream this morning when I was asleep.. meh.. Its really a mix of past abuses.. I dreamt someone pulled me off my bed and force raped me and that I was living in some home where the only thing I got to eat was a sample of chicken on a toothpick.. Somehow I'm just numb to this..

    I was told in the dream my rape was my own fault. eh.. maybe I agree somewhat.. Tbh I kind feel I should be abused and treated as trash anyway..

    People should hate and abuse me.. Maybe that's why I still can't leave where I am living.. maybe I feel I deserve it.. Its my own fault.. I keep questioning that.. I don't think they realize the psychological pain they cause.. maybe its just me.. Maybe I'm looking more deeply then I should.. But if I am, why would my best friend agree it is extremely damaging living here.. idk :( right now I would take what happened in my dream over this..

    I mean yeah I have no where else to go anyway.. So here I will stay.. breaking myself apart further until I find something better.. Whatever that is..
  2. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    I often feel my abuse as a child and then as adult (rape and domestic violence) was my fault, but logically I know it wasn't.
    I get the whole feeling about people should abuse you, as get that too, its horrible isn't it, I want people to be gentle and love me and care, yet other half is saying i want to be hurt...............it makes no sense.

    Are you in danger where you are living, couldn't quite make out from your post?

    Are you being hurt right now?
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I don't care to post the details here.. But may be considered damaging.. And yeah.. I get the split as well.. A few of them..
    Last edited by a moderator: May 8, 2013
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