Dreams

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Soldier83, Oct 12, 2012.

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  1. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
    Enwrought with golden and silver light,
    The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
    Of night and light and the half light,
    I would spread the cloths under your feet:
    But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
    I have spread my dreams under your feet;
    Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

    W.B Yeats

    I'm so tired of trying to trust people. Spreading my dreams under the feet of those that might not tear and rip, from lack of caring. Trampled under the boots of those whom everlasting desire is the plundering of happiness. I've grown weary of life, tired of the incessant meanderings of the day to day. I've tried to find my place, my destiny. Perhaps I truly do belong in a statistic.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are a great many things that cause us to feel as if we have been trampled upon and out trust was misplaced. very often we allow dreams to fade as too difficult and too unattainable, sometimes they in fact are even. We all have moments when life makes as weary and the redundancy gets us down. Unfortunately, I have not found reason to disagree with any of what you have written. That said, there are many positive statistics to be part of - the one to beat the odds - the one to one who pulls themselves out of depression and weariness and finds value and love in life, the one that looks back on the difficult times with appreciation of the fact they ended up a better more rounded person because of it. In a new day with an adjusted attitude and more perspective they wont all sound quite as impossible. I hope you became one of those statistics.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. Soldier83

    Soldier83 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kind words, truly they inspire and warm my heart. However with the way that things are going, the pain in my chest, my inability to maintain a job, the constant rage burrowing out of my soul all I can think of is all I am is a mistake. I am the reason my wife struggles so much, the reason my son and daughter don't have a positive role model. I bring my entire family down, its taken me a long time to figure out that I should never have been born. My parents wouldn't have gotten a divorce, my sister would not have gotten into drugs, my brother wouldn't have had to stay in a cardboard box in California because he had nowhere else to go when my parents moved us to a rotten little no good town in southern Oklahoma. I've clung on to the notion that someday, somehow it was all for the better. Like one day I was going to look back at this and be able to help someone with my story of woe, but its not. Its not going to get better, its going to get worse, so much worse that all I want to do is...

    Staring at my pistol in my lap again, round chambered, safety off. Again thanks for the kind words, they made me feel better.
     
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