drifting like a feather through the skies

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by frail, Oct 3, 2009.

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  1. frail

    frail Member

    That's how I feel. I'm drifting in this life with nothing to hold on to. I'm currently thinking of how I can make sure I die and make it as light as possible, like a feather.

    You see, I've decided to make it my life-long project. Isn't it ironic? I'm starting to slowly eradicate myself from this world, little by little. After I have fully eradicated myself from this world, I believe it's easiest to think of a suicide since no one can say such insensitive things like "Think about the people who will be left griefing". After I'm through with eradicating myself from this world completely, there will be no one to grief over me - and thus no one can accuse me of being incosiderate or selfish.

    I've actually figured it all out for myself. I will stop talking to people (how strange, considering that I'm talking to people right now...), I will get rid of all my former relationships just to make sure that there are as few people I'm attached to - and who are attached to me, too - as possible. After I've done all that, I can safely assume that there will be as few people sobbing over me as possible...

    But yeah, maybe I am sobbing over this, maybe I hoped to tell someone about this so that I could, I don't know, just make it all easier for myself maybe. But it had to be someone other than my family to whom I would tell it, because I know that if I ever told them, they would make sure I could never go through with my plans as long as they were still alive. So telling someone completely unknown to me, is easy.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Of course your family would help you they love you and as for your plan I thing telling someone is important tell a friend a family member so you can get help to stop your distorted thinking. get help to stop your sadness and pain I have pushed everyone away but yet i still cannot do this as i know even then it would harm them as they would still blame themselves and have pain like i have.
    You are frail so cling on to something someone to help you until you are strong and coming here you have reached out I hope you hold on to us until the strength you need comes we are here okay use us and tell your family so they can help you.
  3. frail

    frail Member

    Thank you ~violet~ for your concern.

    I guess the thing is, I don't want people anymore into my life. from 2004 till the summer of this year I lived in a constant loneliness. I basically had two friends who I would see max once in two months. Otherwise I would spend all my time in my own room, or alone in library. But This summer I begun to realize that I don't want people in my life anymore. I became no longer lonely, and it didn't bother me that I hadn't seen any people other than my family members in two months (well, apart from the occasional store clerk and whatnot). But now I actually enjoy being alone and I don't want people in my life anymore. So I have no desire to keep up my relationships with anyone.

    So it's not that I push people away, I just don't care for the relationships anymore...

    But as for getting help. I really don't know what I can lean onto anymore. But I guess it would make things a little less unbearable if I did indeed have something to lean on to.
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