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Drinking too much and still can't fit in

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sarah0574, Nov 23, 2012.

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  1. sarah0574

    sarah0574 Member

    Went to a mum's meeting tinight at local pub, talked to a few people but got paranoid that some who knew my face just didn't bother to talk to me even though i smiled at them and tried to be approachable, others seemed to back off a bit maybe because i was a bit drunk and in their face a bit. I just canlt seem to socialise with people unless i've had a few drinks, even good friends. It's getting worse, starting drinking today after i took my son to school, at 9.30 in the morning! I work from home so feel a bit isolated and cos i don't tend to talk to anyone face to face apart from my son and husband for days i need a drink to make me feel more confident. Friends say i'm more fun when i drink which makes it harder. Can someone help, i'm on waiting list for psycho counselling, a lot of my self-esteem issues stem from a crap childhood, wish i cd get myself out of this mess, i'm nearly 40 and feel i should be more sorted x
  2. sarah0574

    sarah0574 Member

    "This user has no status" - cheers that makes me feel so much better!!! LOL
  3. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Sarah, there are many people who suffer from social awkwardness, and the sad thing is that people believe that it's their problem when I see that ALL people have a responsibility to help those cross the fence. Many people are jerks, sorry, but it's the truth. They're cliquey and want people who look, dress and act like them and to me that just shows me how weak they are. Most people consider me eccentric because I dress outside the norm and now that I'm reaching almost 49, I'm becoming more outrageous - and I don't drink. I mean, I enjoy poking at people and having fun with them whereas when I was younger, I was like you, very shy and awkward and thought I needed a drink to save me. I no longer drink and I don't care if people look at me and make fun of how I dress and behave. In the end, they come back up to me and go on how they wish they could be like me.

    There's nothing wrong with you, Sarah, you're just a little shy and if they can't go a little out and find out the special person you are, then they're the losers.

    In saying that, be your own friend. Behave as if you had every friend in the world. Go out and do the things that make you happy. I sing and hum to myself when I'm out and I smile and laugh with myself, and I'm not more happy in being a loner.

    So try not to be so hard on yourself and lay off the drinks, you don't need it. It only makes everything worse.
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Sarah, I completely understand how you feel. It was always so much easier for me to socialize after I had a drinks. I felt more confident, It just seemed easier somehow. And my drinking seemed to come earlier and earlier in the day.

    Eventually, my health declined so much I couldn't drink anymore, which I suppose was a good thing. Drinking only puts off the problems, and doesn't solve them.

    It's hard to socialize when you work at home (I do as well). There may be groups besides the one you went to, mom's groups, church groups, etc., where alcohol isn't present, which makes it easier not to drink. Or maybe a small group or one on one may be better. In one neigborhood I use to live in, one of the local realtors had a sort of newletter which he gave out to everyone. I answered one "ad" from another mom in my area, who was looking to meet people. It was a lot easier with just getting to know one person at a time. Maybe there is some way to find other people in your situation that want to meet people? Especially without the pressure of a big group?

    Best of luck.
  5. sarah0574

    sarah0574 Member

    Thanks, WldHair, for your reply, I wish I cd meet someone like you in the school playground, everyone seems to be the same, no individuals! You have reached a stage in your life where you are happy in your own skin and f**k those who don't like you! I am still working that out, I really appreciate your reply. x
  6. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    Hi Sarah, I hope you are ok, I read your story and it sounded quite familiar to me. One thing I would suggest is that you read Allen Carr's book "The Easyway to Control Alcohol". Now, I freely admit that this book HASN'T stopped me drinking (I'm drunk now, in fact), however, his quit-smoking book DID work for me, and I was a heavy smoker, and he talks a lot of sense, and for £1.50 (or whatever the cost is for used on amazon), it's definitely worth a go. I'm determined to control my drinking and be clear-headed. All the best!
  7. sarah0574

    sarah0574 Member

    Thanks for your reply, Katrina, I am not religious and my son is now too old for me to go to mum's groups (I tried that when I was on maternity leave and and hated them, soo cliquey!) but am thinking of joining a local badminton group, hoping I have the confidence to go to it. I know drinking doesn't help in the long run but it helps me to escape. The problem is I always think people (esp women) don't like me. Hoping that I will get to see a counsellor soon to help me work things out.
  8. sarah0574

    sarah0574 Member

    Thanks. I'm a smoker too and did read Allan Carr's book on stopping smoking and it did make sense to me but I only got halfway through it! I didn't realise he'd written a book on alcohol issues too. It's all down to will power really and I'm not sure I have any, I just fall back on the same old patterns... Thanks for your reply.
  9. lordsalisbury

    lordsalisbury Well-Known Member

    No problem at all, if it's any further help, you can *cough* illegally *cough cough* download them as audiobooks (so you can listen in the car, or whathaveyou).

    Goddamn, I sound like a spokesman for Allen Carr, don't I? It's just because the dude got me off cigarettes, something I thought would NEVER happen. All the very best to you :)
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