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Drinking yourself to death.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Endlessagony, Jan 22, 2012.

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  1. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    As I'm sitting here writing this I am drunk. It's 3 in the afternoon on a Sunday and I don't give a damn. I was drunk yesterday and the day before that. Technically everything should be fine with me, I should be thankful for all the things I have and have achieved. I came to this new town a half a year ago with almost no friends and no social circle, broken down after an abusive relationship. Now I have a social circle and several friends, I am well liked by people here and engage in many social activities. I'm not even really depressed anymore, I can do things again that bring me joy and fulfillment.

    Still there is a gaping hole inside me that I can't seem to fill. It's hard to explain but every day seems so very pointless, I've become a junkie to quick fixes of dopamin (alchol is certainly a good one). I've started considering drinking myself to death. Not in the way of overdosing or anything, just a life of total debauchery until my body gives in. For a long time I thought I needed to be successful with women but I can't even care about that much anymore. I've grown aware of my problems regarding them and know I could be really successful if I applied myself enough (I've gotten enough indication of that).

    Still I'm just the happiest sitting in my chair drinking myself into oblivion listening to good music. I see a therapist and eat medicine but honestly it doesn't give me anything. The thought of just letting everything go and enjoying the ride gives me peace, probably the only thing that does.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    This is very concerning in several ways...you state you are no longer 'depressed'; I am unsure how you are defining depression...also you state you are happiest in that state; is it happiness or respite? You are seeing a therapist, have you discussed this with him/her? As you know, a therapist can only treat the person that shows up to the session...maybe this might be a place to start
  3. This is very similar to what i'm dealing with.. except I'm feeling depressed. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. It's no fun :(
  4. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I have talked about my drinking with my therapist and while she doesn't agree with it in principal she hasn't condemned it either. She's actually a great therapist who cares about the patient and offers sound practical advice. It's just that I'm incapable anymore of accepting anything good that comes to me, I just can't. I guess inside I am deeply cynical.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Sometimes the alcohol can be a distraction to other things that we're feeling. You may not feel depressed, but deep down something still might be bothering you. You should think about why you're drinking and what triggers you and that might help you.
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