Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by LaraS, Aug 2, 2014.

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  1. LaraS

    LaraS Member

    When I feel like nobody wants to hear what I say, or nobody cares that I'm even in the room, I feel like I'd be better off just not being here at all.
    But when I drink... Everything just seems like such a joke. People making fun of me actually become funny, when people ignore me I can actually get their attention, and it becomes so much easier to be happy, even if it's just for a while.
    I feel so much better when I drink, but the problem is that I overdo it so quickly. I can never just have a few glasses of wine and be happy-tipsy. I need to drink an entire bottle, or I need to drink an entire night.
    Why can't I control myself? I even sometimes write it on my hand before I start drinking, but then when I've started drinking I just laugh at myself and either ignore it or even wash it off.
    I always feel so bad in the morning, like I really don't want to continue living, so that's why I start drinking again slowly, until the whole thing repeats.

    Sometimes it's not so bad, and it's not every day- not even every week, but sometimes there are days I SI until there is no place left and I just feel so guilty it tears me up.

    I don't want to stop drinking because it gives me a better relief than SI does, but I know this is also just a temporary relief. I'm stuck in another cycle. Does anyone feel anything similar?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, a few years back I drank quite a bit. It DID help at the time but I do believe it causes long term problems, just like you are having now. I'd strongly advise you going to AA. You deserve a better life than drinking from a bottle to get through each day, best of luck to you Lara.
  3. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    I'm in the same boat. I'm working on abstaining from alcohol entirely because 1) it really doesn't help in the long-term and 2) I am pretty sure that my alcohol abuse has exacerbated some health problems I already had.

    I'm the same, it's not an everyday thing, but once I start I have trouble stopping. It's so weird because I was very good at controlling it until probably a year ago and so, yeah, it's an issue I'm working on.
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel the same way most of the time when I drink, because I don't have to feel anything I don't want to while I'm drunk. Whatever was bothering me before I started, I tend to forget about it, or I'm numb enough to not be able to remember at the time. But it's worse when you sober up, so it's not good for you in the long term.
  5. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I feel like I actually have friends when I'm drunk. I'll tend to want to drink more which I think is because I don't want the feeling of acceptance to stop... But it actually makes me SH more sometimes..
    I try to limit drinking hangouts to a minimum
  6. LaraS

    LaraS Member

    Yes I have the same, sometimes drinking does make sh worse. I drink alone as well, but when I drink with other people around I tend to feel more accepted faster, but I almost always feel more alone after I get home on my own and then I get to a low..
  7. Sparrow91

    Sparrow91 Well-Known Member

    I feel lower after too. I still don't know what to do with that so I don't have the advice :/ but love yourself and feeling accepted won't be so important, maybe you'll feel better , I'm trying too, it helps a little.
    You're accepted here :)
  8. fordson

    fordson New Member

    Quitting it is the best thing you can do. i've done it, missed, done it again, etc... but just proud of to keep on trying! it's not easy but worth the effort. Some day i believe i can be totally sober and be proud of it!!!!
  9. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    It's just so hard, when you've made it a huge part of your existence. I know I'm putting bottles of depressant into my body, and I wake up feeling like pure shit mos of the time. I'm just so sick of the hangovers.

    Lets see if we can get through this together. I, myself, will do better, knowing I have people such as yourselves, pulling for me. Know, I'm pulling for you.

    Here's to a future of sobriety.....
  10. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    mostly if person i live with smells it in morning, i'll feel pangs bc it worries her. then she gabs it to people i know and they all worry too. when noone finds out, in ways, it is just as bad.

    sometimes when i go to pass out, i forget to close and lock the front door and stuff like that too.

    i think trick is to find an alternative safer escapism for all of us here
  11. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Yeah, that all it is for me, just an escape from my problems, instead of actually dealing with them.
  12. brandons

    brandons Member

    i no you said you dont want to stop drinking but you should really atleast try to cut down if you have a hugh metabolism like i do you can just turn to food out of depression instead of alcohol sometimes it tastes good and you gotta admit for people who cant stop when we take break our bodys are probably thanking us so much just give food a try instead everyonce in awhile and if you dont have i high metabolism then just work out after pigging out the eatin will take care of depression and working out will work out any anger u got on your mind...
  13. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I've seriously been considering going back to AA again.

    I did meet many interesting people there, and I did cut down, never fully quit though.
  14. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i ve been thinking of alternatives here

    mostly thought of fun fares and joy rides that give a similar feeling. the hazy, sicky, time distortion one
    and herbal drops, calming and soothing
    idk how effective this would even be though but just my two cents or six cents or whatever the saying
  15. Nikki86

    Nikki86 New Member

    Drinking is my only release at the moment. I haven't the energy to talk.. I feel numb.. I've suffered years of depression & I've realised life is hopeless. Drink just calms the racing thoughts & agitation which is better then nothing. So far it's just the thought of my kids faces that is stopping me from ending the torture although I feel even that is becoming not enough at the minute.. There's no way out of this
  16. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Sadly, I feel the same :(
  17. Raven

    Raven Guest

    It's better to stop know then to try and stop later it's only going to get worse. Their will come the day when quitting is no longer as in control for you as it once was and those rare nights where you drink the entire bottle will become far more the norm. I know it makes the world seem better but all it is doing is lying to you, its making your brain numb and obscuring the truth.
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