When I feel like nobody wants to hear what I say, or nobody cares that I'm even in the room, I feel like I'd be better off just not being here at all. But when I drink... Everything just seems like such a joke. People making fun of me actually become funny, when people ignore me I can actually get their attention, and it becomes so much easier to be happy, even if it's just for a while. I feel so much better when I drink, but the problem is that I overdo it so quickly. I can never just have a few glasses of wine and be happy-tipsy. I need to drink an entire bottle, or I need to drink an entire night. Why can't I control myself? I even sometimes write it on my hand before I start drinking, but then when I've started drinking I just laugh at myself and either ignore it or even wash it off. I always feel so bad in the morning, like I really don't want to continue living, so that's why I start drinking again slowly, until the whole thing repeats. Sometimes it's not so bad, and it's not every day- not even every week, but sometimes there are days I SI until there is no place left and I just feel so guilty it tears me up. I don't want to stop drinking because it gives me a better relief than SI does, but I know this is also just a temporary relief. I'm stuck in another cycle. Does anyone feel anything similar?