It's quite crazy that I'm back here, my thoughts seem to come and go and I really don't know what it is. I don't want to tell people because they all seem so happy so I don't want to put my rubbish on them, or they just put a massive cover on but I don't seem able to do that. I just look myself in my room so nobody sees me in the state I am. I just feel completely worthless and that everyone's life would be better off without me in it. And now that I can't walk for 6 weeks after an operation I hope that ends everything. I really just don't understand why, I should be happy, I have a loving family, friends and girlfriend and I am doing well at university but these thoughts keep plaguing me and I have nightmares of me walking infront of cars and similar things and wake in a cold sweat. I've been counselling after a few friends forced me to admit what was up...went a few times...the thoughts stopped...I stopped going...then slowly they've just crept back again.