In January I dropped out of University because I was so depressed on the course. I didn't tell anyone I knew though, not even my parents, because of the shame I felt, and the fact that none of them know I've got depression and didn't want them to make a fuss over me. I dropped out over the Christmas Holidays, but pathetically went back and pretended to still be on the course, pretending I was gong to my lectures and seminars, when I'd actually just sit in a park or in my room thinking about the easiest form of suicide. I've even kept the lie going so long that my family and friends think I got a degree, which makes me feel even more disgusting, as I'm getting congratulations for something I never achieved. After 'graduating' I moved back home, like a lot of my friends, and claimed the reason I hadn't got a grad job was because I'd be unlucky in the job market, again making me feel like even bigger scum for the sympathy I get. Things started getting a little better as I was away from the stress of having to keep the Uni pretence up and had started eating better and exercising and even got a part-time job at my local supermarket. I was adamant I would get my life back on track and no one would be any the wiser I'd ever dropped out. I was going to use the money I saved from the part-time job to either move abroad or fund a part-time course I'd actually enjoy. But as soon as I started the job I started getting massive bouts of depression and could barely drag myself into work and used to feel anxious when I was there and quit 3 weeks in. Again I didn't tell my parents because they'd be annoyed and I felt so ashamed. Instead I said I'd been offered an office job just for the mornings closer to home. So now every morning I wake up and convince my parents I'm going off to work, when it actual fact I just go to the park and sit there thinking about suicide for 4 hours. I just don't know what to do, I don't feel like I can keep up the lie much longer. I know I probably just sound like a weirdo, and an odd ball and my problems are tame compared to most peoples, but I just needed to write this to get it out of my system and tell someone, even if it's just strangers.