My life right now is a big fat nothing. I have zero motivation even though there's this bell going off at the back of my mind telling me that I have a lot of work to do that needs to get done soon. If there was a localized portion of the brain responsible for motivation and desire, there would be dead tissue where mine should be. I won't eat, even when I'm so weak my legs are shaking going down the stairs, and I feel nauseated and have a pounding headache. Sometimes I won't get out of bed to even go to the bathroom until I absolutely have to. I just have absolutely no desire to be here. Instead I drown my brain in non-stop TV and movies. The lives of other characters is a relief from myself. I can't seem to break my eyes away from the screen. I don't know what outside of this screen I'm so afraid of. But I am. I am constantly afraid. always. And the more I watch, the more time I waste avoiding a world that is too unbearable for me to face, the more I loath myself for what I've become. I fear my brain is now irreparably frazzled - too depressed to be of much use or accomplish anything worthwhile in the future. I feel my life is over and that I'm already dead. I can't see how anything can or will ever change in the days to come.