Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by xela, Oct 13, 2012.

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  1. xela

    xela New Member

    I absolutely am at breaking point. I actually can't even begin to contemplate how I am supposed to get past this dark place. How do I go to sleep and know I'll wake up in the same misery, or procure any hope for the future when I don't even know how I'll get through tomorrow. I am just at the point where I desperately need this struggle to end. It's been a constant stream of crisis and chaos in my life and there is nothing I can do. I have failed at all attempts to get myself in a better place, to be healthy to do something with my life but I always succumb to depression and just never ever do I reach my goals. I actually see suicide as a merciful ending for myself, because living is traumatic and agonising. I have no one to talk to and when I do talk to someone, I either get sent to a psych ward or my thoughts and worries are quietly dismissed.

    I don't know how people cope in these times. I don't know what to do? How to muster up the energy and fight to trudge through another day/week/month/year knowing that there isn't going to be respite any time soon.

    I have really sought God during these times but even that has failed me this time. I am a christian, I believe in God and his "plan" but I don't agree with it. Not in my case anyway. My pain exceeds coping resources and the desire to fight for a better life.

    I really desperately want to disappear. I hate feeling this way, hating myself, hating my life, hating my circumstance, hating God's hesitation to help me. I have begun to hate my family, friends and human nature.

    I can't stop crying and man.... I feel like there is a vacuum of despair inside that I am getting sucked into.
    I can't stop reliving my mistakes, the regret, the guilt, the missed opportunities, relationships, money. I need relief so badly.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    So sorry hun you are in such a dark place. What you do hun is just take each minute at a time ok. You try and do things that will bring you joy. Small things like having a favorite drink or favorite food or going for a walk something t hat use to bring joy do it again ok
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're in such a dark place...do you have a friend or family member that can help you out, motivate you and keep encouraging you? sorry if i ask because I don't know you...but please hold on...instead of focusing on the dark, maybe try to highlight the good things in your life, even if they appear insignificant...if you clean, do the dishes or take care of a pet...at least you were able to do it...when I get in bad shape that's what I do...I say well at least I did the laundry, I cleaned the pet's cages or at least I wrote a bit...

    also I tell myself that tomorrow will be better, I will make it better...do something like art...or watch a movie, a tv show...I hope this helps a bit....keep talking to us...I know others understand and can help you
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Hon, you do need relief, but suicide isn't the answer. And it could leave you in a far worse place.

    You can always talk to people on this site, as they really do care.

    I think that talking to someone in person who is trained to help people when they are in a rough spot is a good idea. There are Christian counselors, or if you belong to a church, maybe they have a pastor, or someone else there who could help.

    I know sometimes it just get so overwhelming, and you feel like you are going under for the last time. But hang on for a bit longer, you are here for a reason, and you are cared about.
  5. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    I read through your post and literally almost every point you made, I can relate to.
    I recently tried to kill myself because I believed my life had hit rock bottom and the pain of despair and hopelessness was so deep that I could never feel anything good again. Like you, I have no one I can confide in unless I want the police to show up at my house and spend a night in a psych ward (again). To cope I usually, honestly, get high, or some sort of altered state. Thinking, "If I can just get through this night maybe tomorrow will be better" even though I often do not believe it.
    But just think, when you have such feelings of sadness completely overwhelming you, and you think that this is the worst you can feel, won't tomorrow feel better, logically? If you feel like you've already felt the most pain that you can feel, the rest of life might just seem a little less horrible. I know it's not easy at times, I've been there more than I'd like to admit, but there is always a potential that tomorrow could be better. If you can't hang on for months or years, at least hang on and see what tomorrow brings. Take it one day at a time instead of thinking of the long-term future. I try to keep myself in that mindset, every morning I wake up I think to myself, "All I have to do is survive long enough to sleep tonight", it's not much, but it's something that is partially working for me and I hope I may have eased your mind and heart a little by at least letting you know you're definitely not alone in your pain and struggles.
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