Drug abuse has left me numb

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dunbar, Sep 15, 2010.

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  1. Dunbar

    Dunbar Active Member

    This is first time I have posted about my problem. I find it hard to say how I feel.

    A few years ago I used to be on quite a few drugs (not sure if i can say them here but i suppose that doesnt matter) and was becoming a huge problem for me. I decided I was going to stop all that and get some help as my life was slowly being ruined, family and friends deserting (no blame on them), health problems, depression, anxiety and a host of other problems. It took forever to get completely clean but thing is it was too late. I can no longer feel emotion kind of like being numb, i find it hard to comprehend something that is not put simply to me, i get confused really easily and find it hard to tell if someone is joking when they talk to me. I often laugh when someone is being serious and am serious when someone is joking to me. It may not sound like i have a big problem, maybe because i cant type down how i feel, but i dont consider myself human if i cant feel these emotions, if i cant feel like i can hold a relationship of any kind. I went to see a doctor and was told that there isnt anything they can do for the numbness but offered me antidepressants. Antidepressants? after I have spent so long getting off drugs? I have a therapist but get frustrated because i cant get out how i feel, i just answer the questions the best i can. I am going to college soon and am also very scared of how this is going to go.

    I'll leave it there for now, sorry if it seems a bit rushed
  2. muleoftheeast

    muleoftheeast Member

    that sounds awful, my heart goes out to you. However quitting all the drugs was a major step in your rehabilitation, and I commend you for doing so. My cousin spent years addicted to heroine so I have some idea of how hard a habit it is to kick. Nonetheless, she managed to kick the habit, went back to school/college and is now training to be a counsellor in order to help others like her.

    As I said, you've already taken the biggest step by quitting the drugs, however it will take a while before your brain will return to a "normal" state, but take it from me, it will happen. I know how it feels to be alone, distant, and think that nobody out there cares about you, but one day you will find someone who will make you feel complete, whole. Until that day arrives, you must strive to keep off the drugs, things may feel like they are getting worse when infact its just your brain shedding the last of the drugs, and after a while you will notice that you start to feel better.

    In the meantime, do something that makes you feel happy, a bit of a cliche I know but trust me. Get a pet, listen to music, do whatever reinforces the truth that your life has value, because trust me, it does. Something I do when Im feeling truly down and contemplating suicide is listen to the Ricky Gervais Podcasts, they never fail to make me smile and help suppress any negative thoughts, if you want to give them a go, you can download them all here: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=HHVH35XR. It might not be everyones cup of tea, but listening to something that makes me laugh has been the best way to self repair that I've found.

    I hope this helps, you're fighting an uphill battle but if you persist, you can win. And if you ever want to speak privately, don't hesitate to send me a message, I am always happy to talk or just listen, whatever helps most.

    The world is a toilet, but it gets easier with time, trust me. x
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your brain will start to get clearer and think faster and retain more now You will do better in college Just want to say way to go for getting into rehab and i hope you stay strong okay You can do it
  4. lifelover

    lifelover Well-Known Member

    I have some kind of similar problem. But for me it started when i began to take pills, anti-thing, anti-that...; i´m a bit of a psycho and it also dont help either with the feelings. But im at a advanced state because everthing people say to me i interpret as a bad thing and i react bad.

    At what age did you consumed drugs? Between 10-18 y.o. it can fuck up your brain badly!
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    "I often laugh when someone is being serious and am serious when someone is joking to me."

    Like Ozzy says, Make a joke and I will cry and you will laugh and I will die.

    I can relate. I laugh my guts out at the Death Wish movies, but when a legitimate "comedy" comes on, I sit stone faced. However, The Three Stooges always makes me laugh.

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