I wasn't going to post this part of my story, as it is something I try to pretend that I didn't go through, but I think it's important for me to be upfront about everything. Not only for my own mental health, but hopefully this can connect to somebody else who may be in a similiar situation. About 3 years ago I was addicted to opiates. At first I thought I enjoyed the way it made me feel. It distracted me from my feelings of depression. It put me in a daze, where normal anxieties and everyday stresses didn't matter anymore. I spent about 9 months straight, doing drugs everyday without any attempt to get off of them. I slept most of my days away and when I was awake I was barely concious, even at work... I almost lost my job, it affected my family and I lost most of my friends. Eventually the drugs weren't making me feel better anymore. I made the decision to quit and spent a week in withdrawls. I was clean for about a month before I started missing the feeling of the drugs gave me when I began them originally. I started drinking, and within a few weeks I was drinking about a 26er everyday. This lasted about a year. I lost all my money and developed a substantial debt (which I am still recovering from) The alcohol never made me feel better, but most days I would drink until I passed out. Once I was asleep, nothing mattered. I wouldn't drink when I was going into work, but that was only because I was worried about losing my job. Not having the alcohol in my system turned me mean and angry when I was at work, and it affected the way I interacted with my coworkers. I lost any support I had there. My girlfriend at the time was deeply affected by the alcoholism, especially since she stood by me through my withdrawls with the opiates. I woke up one day and I realized that I wasn't helping myself. I was hurting myself, and I needed to figure out why. I was also cheating on my girlfriend during this time and I had gotten caught.. I was sick of hurting everyone around me, and just like that I snapped out of it. I was still deeply affected by the depression, but I realized that I would rather be sad everyday than feel nothing. And ultimately, in the end I felt worse than I ever did before all of this. I am not proud of my actions over this time. I made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people. I just hope that if someone else is thinking about this, or is already using drugs or alcohol to help deal with their depression, that they can read this. It doesn't help, it doesn't work, it makes everything worse, and eventually you will lose everything... I have been clean and sober for 2 years now, and I have no desire to go back. I have the occasional drink, but I know that it won't help me deal with my problems. And I refuse to abuse any substance that affects my ability to be cognitive and to deal with my problems as they come. Thank you for reading.