Drug Addiction and Alcoholism

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by hopeful_changes, Jun 11, 2013.

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  1. I wasn't going to post this part of my story, as it is something I try to pretend that I didn't go through, but I think it's important for me to be upfront about everything. Not only for my own mental health, but hopefully this can connect to somebody else who may be in a similiar situation.

    About 3 years ago I was addicted to opiates. At first I thought I enjoyed the way it made me feel. It distracted me from my feelings of depression. It put me in a daze, where normal anxieties and everyday stresses didn't matter anymore. I spent about 9 months straight, doing drugs everyday without any attempt to get off of them. I slept most of my days away and when I was awake I was barely concious, even at work... I almost lost my job, it affected my family and I lost most of my friends. Eventually the drugs weren't making me feel better anymore. I made the decision to quit and spent a week in withdrawls.

    I was clean for about a month before I started missing the feeling of the drugs gave me when I began them originally. I started drinking, and within a few weeks I was drinking about a 26er everyday. This lasted about a year. I lost all my money and developed a substantial debt (which I am still recovering from) The alcohol never made me feel better, but most days I would drink until I passed out. Once I was asleep, nothing mattered. I wouldn't drink when I was going into work, but that was only because I was worried about losing my job. Not having the alcohol in my system turned me mean and angry when I was at work, and it affected the way I interacted with my coworkers. I lost any support I had there. My girlfriend at the time was deeply affected by the alcoholism, especially since she stood by me through my withdrawls with the opiates.

    I woke up one day and I realized that I wasn't helping myself. I was hurting myself, and I needed to figure out why. I was also cheating on my girlfriend during this time and I had gotten caught.. I was sick of hurting everyone around me, and just like that I snapped out of it. I was still deeply affected by the depression, but I realized that I would rather be sad everyday than feel nothing. And ultimately, in the end I felt worse than I ever did before all of this.

    I am not proud of my actions over this time. I made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people. I just hope that if someone else is thinking about this, or is already using drugs or alcohol to help deal with their depression, that they can read this. It doesn't help, it doesn't work, it makes everything worse, and eventually you will lose everything...

    I have been clean and sober for 2 years now, and I have no desire to go back. I have the occasional drink, but I know that it won't help me deal with my problems. And I refuse to abuse any substance that affects my ability to be cognitive and to deal with my problems as they come.

    Thank you for reading.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 11, 2013
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I have to say a couple of things here.

    First, a well done to overcoming obstacles that are, for many, a difficult thing to do. It is always nice to hear a bit of a story where someone is able to realise where they are accountable for their actions and what they can do to change that. You did by overcoming both drug and alcohol addiction.

    Secondly, have you considered discussing the actual depression and what could be possibly causing it with a doctor/therapist? You'll already have an idea (by cleaning up your act, so to speak), that being honest with yourself is one of the better ways in which to get the help you need. It can take time to build up trust in the systems in place, but I think that with your personalised experience of recovery, you are in a better place of understanding what you'd need to do in order to minimise the effects of the depression on your life.

    Hopefully I've made some sense, but again, congratulations on overcoming these addictions.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Congratulations on being sober hun for so long I know how hard that is I hope you do have support now to help you cope with the sadness a therpaist someone ok
    It is easier to fight the emotions when you have someone to talk to hugs
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Just wanted to say you have articulated very well about how the use of drugs and alcohol to combat emotional problems or mental issues unequivocally make them worse and have done an excellent job of explaining the distancing of family or friends that usually accompany abuse of drugs and alcohol. As soon as they become "self medicating" they are being abused; just it is very difficult to perceive that when you are doing it. The difference between recreational or social and abuse or unhealthy gets blurred easily but the effects are obvious to all around you.

    Thank you for sharing your story.
  5. Thanks for the support everyone!

    I am seeing a therapist and we are working on my depression and anxiety. We're not focusing on the addiction issues, largely because I don't see a relapse in my future. I found one of my hidden stashes about a month ago, and although it was difficult for me to do, I disposed of it. I am done with that part of my life. Even when I was seriously considering suicide I didn't think substance abuse would help. I've been down that road, and it does nothing but make things worse.

    Thanks again :)
  6. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    Thankyou for sharing your very inspiring and heartfelt story i like you am an addict alcoholic struggeling to get a day clean and sober i feel comforted by reading your post and i am trying to attend recovery meetings regularly to get this nightmare behind me..Im figuring if you stay in a barbers long enought youll get a haircut...meaning if i stay connected with examples of success in breaking the devastating cycle of addiction then it can happen for me...your story will give so much hope to others like me stuck in addiction... you should share your story at the 12 step meetings peace and light and thankyou
  7. Hey Guys,

    Like all addictions, you never really overcome. It sits dormant until your weakest moments. Had a couple of relapses this month with alchohol. Finally got a hold of my emotions and I poured what was left of my visit to the LCBO down the sink. It's not about overcoming the addiction, it's about over coming the thing inside of you that feels the need to turn to substances for comfort. I will always be an alcoholic. I may never touch booze again until the day I die but there will always be a part of me that wants to turn to the bottle everytime something bad happens in my life. Dealing with addiction (at least for me) is about self reflection. What do I want for myself? To have my friends and family find me passed out on the floor of my apartment with a bottle hanging out of my mouth - or to look at my life and be proud of what I overcome? To know that everyday I struggle, and every day I win the battle against myself. It's about digging deep and finding the strength to face my problems sober. I have made mistakes, god knows I have made a lot of them. But I am man enough to face them, and that's what it takes for me to pull myself up out of the bottom of the bottle, beat my fists against my chest and say, "not today. Today, I am in control."

    I wanted to share this because I think I may have given people the impression that I have beaten addiction. I don't think that is possible. I have just found a way to deal with it. I think it can be very discouraging to read stories about people who have put down the bottle for good, and who have gotten their life together. It's a life log struggle but if you really want to, you can gather every ounce of strength and bravery that you carry in your hearts and souls and fight for yourself.

    Also, if anyone every needs someone to talk to about it. To get how they are feeling off their chests and talk to someone who's going through what they are; my PM box is always open :)
  8. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hello hopeful.. a hug in your direction now. for sure.. congrats and good going on be clean for 2 yrs now.. outstanding .. july 19th I celebrated my 34th yrs of not being a drunk, drug addict anymore with my disabled son johnny who lives with me..no one I would rather have done that with..

    know a bit of what I think you have gone thru. maybe therapy can be a look at what you were and maybe still are running away from??? is working for me at age 66 now... want to talk a bit please always feel free to dash off a private message in my direction.. will get back to you..

    don't do many prayers.. that another story..lol just said one for you that you can stay clean and are going to do ok.. later, Jim
  9. Thanks Jim,

    And thank you everyone for your encouraging words and positive attitudes. :)
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