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Drug addiction and suicide

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by downspiral, Sep 23, 2007.

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  1. downspiral

    downspiral New Member

    hi this is My first post I am a 27 yr old grl from Texas. I have been a drug addict for atleast 5 yrs now. I have always been depressed but since finding the living and breathing hell of prescription pain killers/seditives/alcohol/etc it has gotten much much worse the bad thing is When I dont have drugs I am suicidal, but when i am on them especially when i am on a binge for days I am even worse, I hate life i have been engaged, fired from my wonderfull job, been to jail, moved back home, lost all friends... in the past 2 years. I am anorexic but recently I have been eating because I have been off the pills for 2 weeks now, I feel like I am getting Fat although I know I am still only a size 3 I hate food I hate that I am eating now and I hate that I am alone with no friends no one no job and I sit here all alone day after day and contemplate the freaking courage to cut myself deeper this time.I wish i could go to sleep and never wake up doesnt that sound the easy way that way my pain and lonleyness is gone i am getting to old to be alone single with zero kids. I am a very atractive girl but the guys I date end up thinking im totaly f-ing nuts!! I feel alone even in a room with a milion people... I am not going to eat starting tomarow. period. And if i dont get any drugs soon I dont know what will happen. I am wondering if anyone has a problem with depression/ suicide and drug addiction besides me am i the only one out there????
  2. greeneyes

    greeneyes New Member

    Hi. I think I am in a similiar situation as you. I am addicted to pain pills, soma, and xanax. Without them I am in really bad shape...but with them I am broke and still in bad shape, yet I continue to buy them. I don't know what to do about it and it has caused problems between my husband and I. He has lost his job, has left me, along with a mortgage and tons of bills, and is now a coke addict. It takes everything I can muster to just survive each day. I honestly have to say that I haven't ended my life because I don't want to hurt my family. I am greatful that we have no children, but my dad and sister don't deserve to be hurt. I don't know about you, but I feel really hopeless. I am addicted and suicidal...not a good mix. I keep a bottle full of Xanax on hand just incase I decide to take my life...I've looked at them many, many times. I have a job and friends, but they don't know the extent of my misery...my tortured life. I have been like this for almost a year and don't see a light at the end of this tunnel. It only gets worse and worse. I want to ask you something...How do you get through each day? I need to find an answer soon. Maybe we can help each other. Right now I have no hope what-so-ever. I live like a recluse...coming home from my job and closing myself up in my house...closing myself off from the world. Sleep seems to be my only escape and it is taking more and more xanax to be able to sleep. Maybe we can be friends and swap stories and some good will come of it. I have no hope at all right now. These are the darkest days of my life. Please email me anytime at roxylasage1@aol.com. I hope to hear from you soon. Just know that you have someone out here who understands. Let's get through today, my friend...We will work on tomorrow when it gets here.
  3. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear all that. :( Not good news.....but welcome and I hope you can find the support you need here.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum. I am sorry to hear about all the issues you are facing. I am glad you came to us for support. :hug:
  5. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    I've faced similar things as to what ur dealing with. I've done drugs and drank on a regular basis for the majority of my life. I would like to note that I have been clean/sober for about a month now.

    One of the main reasons I turned to drugs/booze was because of being depressed and/or suicidal. There have been so many times where I would think to myself "ok when I get messed up this time maybe it will be for good and people will think it was an accident" and other things along those lines. When I would come down from being high I was usually more depresesd and suicidal so the cycle started all over again.

    You made a comment about not eating. I've been there too. I still strugle with that in many ways. I'd like to caution you, whether its your first time or millionth with this be aware it can become another addiction as well.

    Welcome to the site. If you ever want to talk please pm me any time.
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to SF :)
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