Drug induced hate?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DropKick, Mar 20, 2012.

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  1. DropKick

    DropKick Active Member

    I haven't been here for a while, cant type much, as people are in this room who I am trying to mask my feelings from.

    After a failed attempt at suicide November last year, I have been happy. So happy that I came off my anti depressants, and I never looked back.
    I made plans to move to a country town with my girlfriend. In fact, minutes before typing this I got a phone call from a long awaited job opportunity, and got the Job. I should be happy, but I can't even make the effort to form a smile.

    Last weekend my Girlfriend, Another friend and I all took ecstasy together at my house. Nothing I haven't done before. Good company, good drugs, great entertainment.

    The smallest thing happened, my back was sore, and I couldn't sit in the room we were all inhabiting. So I sat in the lounge room. My girl kept saying we will come in soon , ect ect. It took them 4 hours and 11 minutes. During which was the comedown period. I was in immense depression. and I haven't changed since. I have a strong hate for my girlfriend. I love her, but I hate what she did to me.

    There is a lot more to this story then written here, My girlfriend has very serious psychosis issues, and I have always stood by her and done everything for her. She says she loves me, all the time. But I can't see how someone who loves you could treat you like this.

    I had all these plans, all this future to get started on. We were going to have kids, and run a farm. I love her, but all I can feel is hate. All i think now is suicide. You've dug yourself a hole that cannot be filled. You have made a girl fall in love, who will not handle the heart break (very suicidal) and you have got all these plans laid out with a person you care so much for, but just can't see them the same way anymore.

    I don't know how to get out of this situation. I need help, I feel like ending it all (don't fret, I will not be doing this, or attempting this ever again) But I just dont want to sway too far down into my depression again, where rational thought, and the future, never come into mind.

    This is me asking for help, before I really start asking for help. I need to climb my ladder to success again, I just don't have anybody to hold it for me.

    How can I end my drug induced hate for my Girlfriend?
  2. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    hi. i hope its better for you today. are you upset with your gf because she participated in taking ecstasy rather than keeping you from taking it? is your disappointment the basis of your hateful feelings?
  3. DropKick

    DropKick Active Member

    No we all took pills, that isn't the issue. The thing that i can't get over is the fact that she would leave someone she loves 2 meters away coming down off drugs for over 4 hours, just because she was "more comfortable"
  4. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I've been married for 11 years and I know a lot of married couples struggle with their marriages and I too struggle. Humans are selfish beings that include you, your girlfriend, and me. No one's perfect. You will never find a girl that is all giving and loving 100% of the time. Cut some slack and accept her as who she is. We are all progressive beings which means sometimes you need to teach her what's good and bad. Vice versa.
  5. GreyCat

    GreyCat Well-Known Member

    Ultimately it was you who left the first room. Was there no way you could have brought something into the room to lie/sit on? Your gf was pilled up, and not on the same buzz as you, clearly. Were you jealous of the other friend? Were you being all intense and needy to someone who was just trying to get happily wasted. The fact that you can say they took 4 hours and 11 mins sounds a bit intense to me!! I say this respectfully, and I've been in the same states myself, but comedowns can make you view things alot more darkly than you normally would.

    You need to discuss it with her. Ask her straight out why she left you all that time. Don't let it fester, don't let conclusions you came to when out of your mind on drugs ruin your relationship. She really was probably just wasted, and comfy where she was, and not really thinking about anything else. Best of luck.
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