I haven't been here for a while, cant type much, as people are in this room who I am trying to mask my feelings from. After a failed attempt at suicide November last year, I have been happy. So happy that I came off my anti depressants, and I never looked back. I made plans to move to a country town with my girlfriend. In fact, minutes before typing this I got a phone call from a long awaited job opportunity, and got the Job. I should be happy, but I can't even make the effort to form a smile. Last weekend my Girlfriend, Another friend and I all took ecstasy together at my house. Nothing I haven't done before. Good company, good drugs, great entertainment. The smallest thing happened, my back was sore, and I couldn't sit in the room we were all inhabiting. So I sat in the lounge room. My girl kept saying we will come in soon , ect ect. It took them 4 hours and 11 minutes. During which was the comedown period. I was in immense depression. and I haven't changed since. I have a strong hate for my girlfriend. I love her, but I hate what she did to me. There is a lot more to this story then written here, My girlfriend has very serious psychosis issues, and I have always stood by her and done everything for her. She says she loves me, all the time. But I can't see how someone who loves you could treat you like this. I had all these plans, all this future to get started on. We were going to have kids, and run a farm. I love her, but all I can feel is hate. All i think now is suicide. You've dug yourself a hole that cannot be filled. You have made a girl fall in love, who will not handle the heart break (very suicidal) and you have got all these plans laid out with a person you care so much for, but just can't see them the same way anymore. I don't know how to get out of this situation. I need help, I feel like ending it all (don't fret, I will not be doing this, or attempting this ever again) But I just dont want to sway too far down into my depression again, where rational thought, and the future, never come into mind. This is me asking for help, before I really start asking for help. I need to climb my ladder to success again, I just don't have anybody to hold it for me. How can I end my drug induced hate for my Girlfriend?