I have been suicidal for about 10 years of my life. I dont know where the feelings came from or why i feel this alone feeling when i do have some friends and family. I just get a sense that death will be a release and i wont have deal with these feelings of loneliness and rejection. I have taken many illegal drugs in a way to self medicate and though it has helped in a sense cause it numbs my feelings and without them i prob would have taken my life a long time ago. I dont want these feelings but i carry them around with me all the time where ever i go and i cant just tell people about them. I wish they would go away but it is always around in the back or mind when i am at happiest. I deal with it but i dont know for how long and i need others who understand perhaps this will be a good outlet i hope so cause i feel as if i am running out of options.