Drugs Helped Me....

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Rangoon, Dec 1, 2008.

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  1. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Ok this is a thread that is not for everyone and maybe a lot of people will not like it being on the forum but I figure we are all grown ups and diverse opinions are welcome. If it offends people then I'm sorry but it's my take on drugs and how they helped me.

    First I will say to any younger people reading that drugs mess your life up unless you are very,very lucky. Probably more people have been in space then have used Heroin for a long time and walked away without being messed up. The risk is NOT worth it, and you will see the final paragraph what happens to most who dabble in the dark side, but...

    When I was growing up I was sent to an all boys boarding school. I grew up without any contact with women. Therefore when i left school I had no idea how to talk to girls, it made me depressed. I went backpacking in India at 19 and ended up staying 4 years there. India being a conservative country also meant that I had no contact with girls, I was sinking within my own shyness to approach them, it made me depressed. I returned back to the UK a virgin, frustrated and deeply unhappy at my shyness around women. I moved to a rough town in the north of England but my southern public school boy accent and soft nature made me a target for local bullies in the pubs. I was a shy and easy target and often had to fight local brawlers to protect myself. My life was sad and lonely and i retreated further and further nito myself. I new this was how it would be forever, or so i thought....

    One day in a pub in Oldham, I fell in with a group of people, my age, who were into taking pills ( ecstacy ). They were the first people who had shown me any respect since I had moved there. I tried my first one after seeing it's affect on the others and a whole world opened up to me. I quickly became an outgoing popular person to be around. It seemed that the confidence i had whilst on the pills stayed with me when i was not on them. Now I was talking to women, getting numbers,having sex, it was what I always dreamed about. People who knew me before were shocked that I had become this outgoing fun person, I was too. I was having a great time and for the first time in my life I felt like I belonged!

    The friends who took me into their world then progressed onto Cocaine and I went along for the ride. I thought it was over rated and prefered the pills but my confidence continued to grow, I was however becoming a bit of a 'Charlie big bollocks', with an expanding ego, but better to be over confident then under so i continued. Then the inevitable happened and Heroin appeared on the scene. At first i was reluctant, Heroin was a scary drug, i had read the horror stories, but i tried it. The first time I smoked it was the loveliest,warmest feeling of my life. I lay in bed blissfully happy for hours daydreaming and thinking lovely thoughts. Our gang stayed on the skag for about 6 months. We had great times on it, and formed a close knit group that was bonded by knowing people thought we were scum. I loved the cammaraderie more then the drug, going to buy it in the rough estates of Oldham and getting out alive, getting the tin foil, going to the public toilets, 6 of us in a cubicle trying not to make a sound. It was the funniest of times, but I knew that the ride would have to end one day.

    Then Crack entered the circle and i said "This is where i bail out gentleman". I had always had aspirations ( unlike my friends ) to become something better. I wanted to see the world, learn languages, get married, contribute something and i knew that if I continued on the drugs, especially the hardest drugs, then i would soon lose all my dreams and plans, my life would revolve entirely around narcotics. You see I maintain I was never an addict because i could take it or leave it, I'm very strong like that mentally, if I don't think it's a good thing I won't do it. I decided to move away from Oldham to make sure no temptations fell my way and pushed me off the straight and narrow. I felt sad leaving my mates behind because good times, the best of times were shared, the fights, the trips, the loves, the gouches, all times to remember fondly.

    I have not been tempted to touch any drug since the day I left 7 years ago. Since then I have travelled all over the world, taught English in China, lived in the Bahamas, married ( getting divorced now though ) a beautiful and intelligent woman, have a great daughter, and been ( up until my divorce ) blissfully happy. And i maintain that it all began with the drugs, everything good started the first time i took ecstacy. I do not regret taking drugs in any way whatsoever. You can call that irresponsible to say it but it is the truth. If I never took Ecstacy I would probably still be an immensly shy person too scared to approach people or voice an opinion.

    However, drugs worked for me but I do not suggest others try them, hell no! I knew all along that I could walk away any time I wanted, and did but it has in my opinion ruined my friends lives. I go back to Oldham to see my ex pals every year, they are in a terrible state. Living in duisgusting conditions, some have Hepatitis from sharing needles ( I never injected I only smoked ), they have aged 25 years, they have no money, no aspirations, no contact with family, are untrusting of friends, steal of each other, fight with each other. It's very sad. They maintain that they are happy, who am I to judge? But I don't see where the happiness can come from. It must be hard being happy when you need to put a needle in your arm just to feel normal.

    Well that is my story. I'm not trying to glamourise drugs, no way. But I just thought some people might be interested to read another view point on the use of drugs. Maybe it will spark some interesting opinions?

  2. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Rangoon, I congratulate you on having the strength to walk away when you did. It's a shame that so many people can't manage to do that. As in the case of your old friends. It can be an educating journey if you don't get lost along the way. Too many do, usually when heroin comes along. I saw it described in a film once as 'the grandfather of all poisons'. Shame it gives other things which aren't so destructive such a bad name.:smoke: Lived in Oldham myself for a while many years ago. Pretty wild place in many ways. S.
  3. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    So you've spent time in Oldham too snowraven! You're obviously one of the lucky ones who escaped :smile: Glodwick, Clarksfield,Chadderton, those names send a bit of a shiver down my back.

    I presume you are refering to marijuana when you say the less destructive drugs. If so then I agree totally with you. I don't understand government's obsession with banning the herb. I thought that we had a reasonably enlightened government policy regarding weed in this country but with the new class B upgrade comming into force in the new year, I'm not too sure. I hope that smokers are not prosecuted.

    I think regarding drugs, they are all totally diferent to diferent people. I could take the Heroin and lead an ordinary life, hold down a job,go to the gym etc but with the weed I lost all motivation and ended up in bed all day daydreaming. The weed was much more destructive for me personally then any other drug. I don't think drugs are bad, just people can't handle them or use them with the respect they deserve. Just like when a car runs over a child we don't blame the car but rather the driver for being drunk.
  4. Victori@

    Victori@ Well-Known Member


    All i have to say... is WOW!! that is an amazing story!! should be made into a movie... I didn't take my eyes off the screen for one second!! Glad you came out of that mess on top. But so many others sink into it. cheers!

  5. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Yes I know Oldham quite well but managed to escape after 18 months. Places like Chadderton have always had a bad rep.
    Your comments are very interesting about the way different people react to different things. A bit like most meds. It amazes me that after all these years we still have a war on drugs attitude from a lot of people. It is this attitude that causes more harm than the drugs themselves. After the first world war there were a lot of soldiers who returned from the trenches addicted to the opiates they had been given when being treated for injuries. This was treated as an illness and because they were prescribed a pure form of the drug by the government most carried on to lead reasonably healthy and productive lives. Now more people get really messed up on such things as much from the impurities that the drugs are cut with as by anything else. The lifestyle that goes along with such things is one of the major causes of petty crime in the country. This in itself causes the social problems that many people experience these days. A recent study where heroin addicts were put on carefully controlled prescriptions on the NHS showed a 90% drop in the crime rates in that particular area. As a nation we spend vast sums of money on this 'War' and on mopping up the tragic consequences of it. But I do see that for some people there are enormous benefits from such attitudes. Insurance companies make huge profits and governments have an excuse for some of the Draconian laws they introduce. Crime figures keep a lot of people afraid and a scared population is always easier to control. In my opinion it's a case of the powers that be literally getting away with murder. And yet the benefits of these drugs are completely ignored. So much music,art and great literature has always been fulled by various drugs from the Romantic poets to The Beatles. But then a lot of it is youth culture and governments don't want free thinking young people. That could really upset the status quo. I found it quite ironic that the guy who was Thatchers chief advisor on drug policy tuned out to be a long term heroin addict. The whole situation smacks of lies, deceit and hypocracy. If we spent half the money we do on this war on helping people who get into trouble through drug use rather than punishing them society would be so much better. Crime rates would fall, our prisons wouldn't be bursting at the seams and many people who otherwise lead honest, valuable and productive lives wouldn't be alienated from mainstream society.
  6. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Victori@, glad you liked the story. I was actually scared to post it as I thought that people would label me irresponsible, but hardly anybody has read it so I guess I'm safe :smile:

    Snowraven, I loved your post! I agree with so much of what you say, the government's hypocricy is laughable, but what do we expect?!

    I liked your point about drugs and the arts, that is partly why I wanted to try drugs. I never knew it would give me confidence but I thought it might open my mind up to a deeper understanding of myself or possibly the universe. I wanted Shamanic experiences. They led me down a different path but think how much poorer our world would be artistically if we never had drugs. You could discount so much of the great music from Elvis to the Stones, Beatles, Dylan, Doherty, Nirvana.....the list is endless. If they had never dabbled we would all be listening to S Club 7 thinking it was fantastic. And literature too, what a less interesting choice of books if authors never tried to expand their minds through experimentation, or art, or dance or poetry or religions or just people themselves.......The world would be poorer without them. Unfortunately they have also destroyed too many lives, but maybe it's like ying and yang, i.e you have to have the bad if you want the good.
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    who knows, maybe S Club 7 took drugs, whose to say? :mellow:
  8. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member

    Frank Zappa never took drugs and look at the music he produced...most notably with The Mothers of Invention.
  9. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Don't know anything about Zappa but I know your tag line might not have been written without Jim having a toke.
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You could move away, you could do all those things. You moved to Oldham and had a good time/holiday, and you got away. A lot of people can't, for lots of reasons out of their control, and the drugs are used to deal with loads of problems they experience that might stem from MH problems and fucked up families (having mental health problems doesn't mean you are mentally weak), because they, unlike you, can't 'get away,' (travel the world, have a high paying job that will allow them these luxuries and status) from whatever that is they are trying to escape (maybe their social situation and emotional difficulties), and it's their only way to cope and they fall into a vicious cycle where they are chemically and psychologically dependent and, y'know, dying and receiving very little help.

    And who knows, Jim Morrison, might have written that because he hated what he'd fallen into and people romanticising his life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2008
  11. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    I can not agree with all that. I personally think that anyone has the power to take their situation in hand and improve their life, mental health problems or not. Stop complaining and get on with it, but don't use drugs to overcome those issues because you are asking for deep trouble unless you fully understand the drug and your reaction to it. You say "they can't get away", can't achieve what I managed,why not? If you believe you can't then you never will but I don't give in to pessimistic thoughts like that, well not for a long period of time anyway. I left school at 15, no qualifications, arrived in India with £300 and stayed 4 years, eventually running a hotel over there. Anyone can improve themselves if they are willing to put the effort in, you might not become Bill Gates but you will improve your situation. So to hear you say "I could" and "They can't" is something I don't understand. Nobody has it easy even people who look like they do, everyone struggles, just some conquer and some don't.

    The people I left behind were no different to me except one thing, it was not mental health issues or family break down because I have suffered the exact same thing ( I'm on a suicide forum for christ's sake ), it was a lack of ambition. Simple as that. They all had impotent dreams in which they only cared about having a laugh there and then, the only reason I'm not now an addict is because I was motivated to achieve something,they were only motivated to get high. And I can't knock them for that because if that is their journey then so be it, just it's not mine.

    As for Jim, I agree with you totally 100%. I'm not saying you can only have great music etc with drugs, hell no. I'm merely pointing out that without drugs being used for the last 4000 years and probably longer the arts would be a lot poorer for it.
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply.

    Suppose we have to disagree that everyone can get out of the hole they find themselves in, so easily.

    Have a good day.
  13. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    No problem ggg, it's interesting debating these things with someone.

    I did'nt mean to sound insensitive and imply that it's easy to get out of the hole we/they are in. I think it can be incredibly tough, I know I'm finding it tough at the moment and I have not had to deal with half the trauma and abuse etc that some on here have endured. I really do take my hat off to those who despite it all manage to keep on going. No it's not easy atall, it's a long hard, sometimes tortuous journey but I do believe that everyone is capable of getting there if they are willing to go through incredible ammounts of pain along the way, i hope everyone manages it anyway.

    Take it easy and good luck :smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2008
  14. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    This all seems to be developing into a really good discussion. I must say that I agree with ggg4567 that not everyone who gets involved with drugs is going to come out of it. For some people it's going to wreck their lives. Especially when people start getting into things like heroin and crack cocaine. Some folk just don't have that capacity in them to be able to escape for whatever reason and nobody can say before hand how a person will cope. However if you look through most cultures in the history of the human race people have experimented with mind altering substances and many of the results of that have been beneficial both for the individual and for the community they have lived in. Just because some people can't cope doesn't make a thing bad. Some people will always become addicted to things they can't escape from and which in the end does them untold damage. One of the most dangerous and destructive of all drugs is alcohol which kills more people than any other drug going, creates more violence in society and wrecks more families than anything. Having a social drink with a few friends is seen as perfectly acceptable by many people and the benefits are accepted. It can help people relax, it can 'break the ice' at a party enabling people to interact better with each other. A glass of wine has been shown to be good for the digestion. There are pros and cons to all these things.
    As for Frank Zappa,yes he was a genius and produced some fantastic music withiut any help from drugs. There are just as many who have used them to produce similarly brilliant music.
    Thanks to everyone who has contributed so far to this discussion and I hope it carries on.:smile:
  15. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    So now two people have mentioned Zappa. I like to think I'm reasonably educated when it comes to music but Frank Zappa has completely gone under my radar. Was he up there with some of the greats? Can anyone please recommend a few of his songs so I can listen on youtube and see what I've obviously been missing out on all this time.

  16. Aaron

    Aaron Well-Known Member



    The Mothers Of Invention.


    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6QEz6OGm6_E 1965.

    http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hFA9a1tM90M 1965.

    Both tracks from the album 'Freak Out'

    Obviously there's much more to Zappa than the two tracks I've posted from the seminal 1965 debut album 'Freak Out' which was way ahead of it's time, and his early 60's work (65 to 68) is markedly different from his late 60's early 70's output.

    You really have to hear the full albums....'Hot Rats' from 1969 is a classic.

    He was a true musical genius imho.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 3, 2008
  17. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    Very interesting Ben that's a great post. ( thank God for this site been on hours and hours now and it takes my mind off things).
    Your'e right this whole subject is a mine field your'e bound to be shot down both by people who are experienced and knee jerk reactions of the ignorant, but knee jerk reactions from the positive side to. I read your post with great interest. I only got twitchy when you wrote about the creative side, I took a breath and remained objective though, I think your post got a touch simplistic there but I mean no offence, none at all it's just my opinion and not writing to beat you up. I do see your point it is valid. I don't entirley agree but that's a good thing. I'm glad you had a good experience ( thats an understatement) it sounds like a happy marriage of chance and circumstance and it's obviously what you needed so that's a very cool thing. I grew up in the uk and inevitibably around drugs. Had some great times had some terrible but ultimately nobody I know got away with it ( except you now, but this is a good thing! ) scot free including me. I'm not just talking about the smack and crack heads I've been there and know people ruined by it; worse for me is the friends I knew as kid who at 14/15 had their minds shot to pieces before they even had a chance. I was with a pal one night we all took acid but he just get on dropping them he had a bag full he was never the same, I actually witnessed his mind doing something terrible; he wasn't totally ruined but the last time I heard of him he still lived at home with his Mum and worked as a security guard. This guy was 29 by then and he was so bright when we where kids. I had another pal who did it with acid, he had an amazing job and prospects v young he wasn't some naieve kid. He did it properly permeantly psychotic and frothing at the mouth and not even 20. He was a cool guy as well as 'experienced' as the rest of us but that was it for him. I have more cases but you see my point but I don't think drugs per se are the problem. I think the main point is ( and my fundamental opinion) the ignorance of and impurities in brought about the criminilisation of drugs. They have to be legalised and distributed to a pharmological standard and people have to be educated.................but then people won't be educated anyway and what happens to the positive experience of people like yourself who would miss the camaraderie felt by the illegality????. and of corse i'm not even scratching the surface of this mine field................It's an impossible subject. On one last point the pot grown in this country is lethal they are all hybrids and cultivated to be far too strong. They have the wrong balance of mind altering substances in and the chemicals used to grow it are poison; it is no longer a natural product. I should know I've grown it ( somethin else stupid I've done in my life won't go there again ) I know for a fact you have to 'wash' the plants for a period with pure water to clean them of all the shit before you cut them down but what money grabbing pot dealer is going to do that? None. ( Can't even begin to discuss the filth that is cut into charlie either, maybe someone else on this forum can?, but the guys I know in their 40's who are full of it and whose faces are visibly caving in............) I pity the kids of 13 who are smoking that shit but again that comes back to making drugs legal.................It's a minefield. I appreciate the fact you have qualified your post with warnings as I wish I had access to this kind of debate I when I was a kid. Great diversion for my mind as well. Cracking post.
  18. Rangoon

    Rangoon Active Member

    Hi Long, hav'nt had a chance to reply to your post because I've had a lot on my plate this last fortnight but will reply in the next couple of days. Lot's to think about.

  19. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    My dad intorduced me to coke and heroin over a long weekend about a year and a half ago. The best feeling of my life was the first time I blew coke and heroin together, the feeling was unimaginable. The rest of the weekend was me trying to chase that high.... which of course never came back in the strength the first one did. Come monday I was in work sweating a lot and could only think about getting home to do more heroin. It was that day I decided to not touch the stuff again.
  20. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    zappa was a genius. i recommend apostrophe, you are who you is, overnite sensation and hot rats to start :D
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