drugs took over me

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by daisyflowers, Jan 1, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. daisyflowers

    daisyflowers Member

    I was hooked on cocaine for about 2 years. Those years were like complete euphoria. I honestly believed I was invincible to anything or anyone. I never believed anyone that I had a problem with cocaine. I used to think it was a pure white little substance that made me who I am. It was harmless. It was perfect. But I was wrong. Coke is the only thing in this world that I have an incredible soft spot for. I can never turn it down, ill never turn my back on it. I stopped using it regularly when I went to college. My best friend got into a terrible accident and was paralyzed. It opened my eyes quite a bit. So I stopped for her, but naturally that didn't last long. I haven't been able to get completely sober from coke. I constantly think I need it. I don't spend nearly as much money on it now as I did before. I used to spend $500-600 a week on it. Now I try my best not to use but I won't let myself buy more then an 8ball in a week. A lot of times I get it for free now at parties. Now I switched my unfortunate addiction to another substance. Because I quit coke cold turkey without telling anyone I had a problem and needed help, I found my own help in stimulants. I take Ritalin, adderall, and vyvance daily. I need at least 70-90 mg to keep myself going. I do not have a prescription. I'm pretty sure if I saw a doctor I could get one seeing as I cannot function without the drugs. I know that coke and adderall are just perfect party drugs and not many people recognize the addictions as significant and difficult as heroine, but this is the hardest thing for me to break. There are so many triggers and things I just run away from, coke helped me cope and become a real person. Prior to coke I loved pills and downers, OxyContin Vicodin, Xanax, morphine, codeine all of them. I got caught using them when 15 and I was planning on overdosing to my death. I had to do a rehab program and lots of therapy. Honestly those drugs led me straight to coke. Now all of them are biggest enemies, rivals; they dictate my life. It's been so long now, I don't know what it's like to be sober any more.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun im sorry all these addictions are taking over who you are hun I hope you can get your doctor to sign you in to a good rehab program one that will get to the root of why you use and how you can get off the drugs and heal hun Call you doc ok get some referrals and make it your goal hun to get back on the path of healing h ugs
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.