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Drunk and ranting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by jameslyons, May 6, 2009.

  1. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    *phew* I hate this world. I fucking hate it with every aspect of my soul. Not because it's a bad place, but rather because I'm a horrible person. I haven't killed anyone, I haven't beaten anyone, but in regards to what makes life good - charity, friendship, and love, I fail. I have friends. I have lovers, but I'm doomed to never be happy; I'm too aware of the great chasm between me and everybody else.

    I felt bad the past four days. Today I went to the liquor store. Now as I drink my medicine that makes me feel bad, my good friend melancholy returns and sits next to me. We share a whiskey soda.

    Drinking isn't a problem. It's the behavior of going out to drink when sad that is negative. I'm really ok, I suppose. I"m not suicidal, and I don't want to hurt myself. But I feel ugly, unlovable and a horrible person.

    So I've decided to spend the next three days drinking my way through consciousness...I even wrote an email to my teachers telling them that I plan on going on a drinking binge. :tongue:. Nobody's ever excused me of being too subtle :)

    Seriously though I've been annoyed with myself. This shit is fucked up. I hate it.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I don't know you that well ... all I know is what I've seen out here. But you're definitely not a horrible person.

    But sometimes it helps jus to vent, let off some steam.
  3. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Maybe you should lay off the drinking. This might sound cliche but do something positive...I should tell myself that.
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hey James, Mike here. Things were going so great for you. Was there anything in particular that set you off? You know I'm here for you if you want to send me a pm or continue here.
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    good point

    i don't generally drink; only when depressed

    im fine
    whent through a bottle of whiskey though thats cool. nothing set me off mike. just the goddamn chasm of loneliness. :) happens to everything once in a while. no worries. Fuck it all. :( went through a pint of whiskey today. go through a pint of gin tomorrow :( fuck it all.
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    thanks for your thoughts all the same.

    I really appreciate it :)


    did anyone catch family guy funny stuff.....allbeit absolutely inappropriate :tongue:
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey hun just go back and read some of your threads and posts. Read the replies from friends here. I know we arent real life but are all still real. And so many love you and think you are an incredible person. I know from experience that you know how to make me feel a bit better when I've thought nothing could. Now how could a horrible person do that? AWhy would they want to? You're not a horrible person. Just someone who is lonely and overwhelmed with feelings right now. Congratulations you have officially joined the club!!! (lol). James if drinking is what you need right now well then do it but please in moderation. If you usually dont drink and the amounts you are drinking could be a very dangerous situation. You always have your friends here and we all want to help you just like you have helped us. PM anytime love, always have a shoulder waiting for you!
  8. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Uhh fuck the world and the people in it...... I myself hate liquor, it's so nasty.... makes me wanna throw up just the smell of it.

    Party on till the pain is gone.
    But dont give up! You have a great personality and someone out there will appreciate you just for being wonderful. :tongue:
  9. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Ah yes whiskey, it is my vice too. Isn't it terrible how much of it you can drink without even realising?!

    I don't think you are doomed to be unhappy. But then again i don't believe it is possible to be happy all the time either...yeh i include even those 100% positive, 'glass half full' people in that statement! I tend to aim more for being stable these days.

    I think you are a romantic. Correct me if i'm wrong. But from what i read in your posts you feel everything very deeply and can convey this very articulately. Is this a blessing or not?....that i don't know! It sounds like when you are as low as you are now it is very painful, but then i'm thinking what happens when you find that connection to the world...will it be even more wonderful than it is for most?....

    I feel i may be sounding rather glib in this post, i assure you i'm not. I know that painful feeling of being disconnected and the fear that it will always remain. These days i'm aiming for not diving head first into a spiral of depression, but hoping that if i manage to keep my head above water for long enough i may eventually learn how to swim. Maybe it will help you to try that too instead of trying to obtain happiness that is often so fleeting.

    I sound so pessimistic, i'm not, i'd say more a realist :wink:
  10. Celebrated Thing

    Celebrated Thing Well-Known Member

    Drinking is a problem for me too, its bad but it sure does make things tolerable. Im sorry I cant offer any good advice, but I feel really simalar

    But as WildCherry said already, even though I dont know you that well, from what little I do know I dont think you are a horrible person at all.

    Like I said I wish I had advice. But I am able to let you know your not isolated in how you feel. That there are others who have similar issues. If you ever want to vent or talk you can pm me anytime.

    Hope it gets better.
  11. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Thanks for everybody's replies. I'm grateful.
  12. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for your response. It doesn't come off glib at all. I really appreciate it. You've got a good head on your shoulder.
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey James,
    We all have to blow off steam everynow and then.. I'm not much of a drinker anymore. But I have a bottle of whiskey, bottle of spiced rum, bottle of vodka and a twelve back of heineys in the fridge..I haven't touched the liqour since christmas but have gone thru a few twelve packs..If having a few drinks helps you get thru this low then by all means throw back a few..You are a rock for so many here at the forum just remember rocks crumble everynow and then..You just have to pick up the peices and move on..If there is anything I can do to help you get thru this then PM me and we will talk...Take Care!!!