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dull

searches

Born on a Monday.
#1
Hello. New poster here.
I've struggled with depression from a young age. Also struggling with PTSD.

I'm still young but I haven't accomplished what most have at this point. It's hard for me to hold down a steady job. Nothing really interests me enough to attend school for. Feel very inadequate frequently, on the rare occasion I'm in touch with family I'm telling all kinds of white lies. I don't have any friends I'd consider close, I'm fairly guarded and a natural loner. Psychiatrists and therapists have been inappropriate and invasive in the past, I'm quite wary around medical professionals. Just wanted to get that all out of the way. Reaching out is difficult. Professional help is off the table for now.

Managed to actually move out of my home town. New beginnings. Things were looking up. This only made the state of my mental health more noticeable. Can't stop thinking about how I'm rotting, doing nothing with my life. Scared to move forward more. Hard to see much of a future after the upbringing I had. My mind feels very very empty and dry these days, I don't really know who I am or what I'm supposed to be doing. Feeling resigned... suicidal thoughts pop up as if they were some everyday normal matter. Don't know what to do, apologies for rambling.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#4
Hey @searches It sounds like you're really hurting. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you and we're glad to have you here.
 

EmB

Absolute Peach!
#6
Welcome to SF! Lots of people here feel the same, and I hope you can find the support you need. You certainly don't need to apologise, a few words or pages, you'll always be heard.

I'm also glad youve moved. It may make your mental health more noticeable, more difficult, but it also means new things can happen, things can change. There's a lot of hope there, and I hope things pick up for you :)

Sending hugs

Em
 
#8
Hello,

I understand your suspicion of medical professionals, I am loathe to go to a doctor for any reason.

Just a couple thoughts. Take them or leave them.

Please don't let your upbringing or past define who you are. None of us get to choose our parents or much of what happens to us at a young age. We are victims of circumstance, dealt a bad hand, through no fault of our own.

I'm glad you moved and I hope this allows you to get a fresh start.

One of my favorite stories is about John Lennon. It could be apocryphal, but it is a great story. From what I heard, when he was young, a teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. His reply was that he wanted to be happy. The teacher responded claiming he did not understand the question. He retorted saying the teacher did not understand life. I think there is a lot of wisdom in that. Money and career never brought me happiness, and ultimately, I think, that is what any of us want. It is an end unto itself, as Aristotle once claimed. If I were you, I would focus on doing what you can to be happy and not worry about "where you are supposed to be in life", because I do not think anyone is supposed to be anywhere at any point in their life. Indeed, if we focused on being happy instead of judging others (and ourselves), there would be a lot less suffering in the world.

Best wishes.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
Hey, I know we have already ''met'' but wanted to welcome you again.

You moved away, i'm assuming the PTSD is stemming from that old location?

May I ask what you have PTSD from?

I think its very positive that you have moved away to get a fresh start, a new beginning. Make the most of it. I'd love to have it in me to do that, I guess my head is not there yet.

I'm glad you are here talking to us because that can only be a positive thing *hug

PTSD is hard to treat but not impossible, don't let a few bad experiences stop you from getting the help you need and deserve, you deserve a life worth living.

SF is here for you, no matter what, without judgement.
 

searches

Born on a Monday.
#11
Hey, I know we have already ''met'' but wanted to welcome you again.

You moved away, i'm assuming the PTSD is stemming from that old location?

May I ask what you have PTSD from?

I think its very positive that you have moved away to get a fresh start, a new beginning. Make the most of it. I'd love to have it in me to do that, I guess my head is not there yet.

I'm glad you are here talking to us because that can only be a positive thing *hug

PTSD is hard to treat but not impossible, don't let a few bad experiences stop you from getting the help you need and deserve, you deserve a life worth living.

SF is here for you, no matter what, without judgement.
I grew up in a quiet retirement city with little to do, and bleak future prospects. I don't know how to explain it, but the general disrepair of everything, the lack of escape aside from substances or just stupid teenager activities, and the both sustained and sudden trauma that followed me around, it felt so constricting.

Seeing my young, kindly mother slowly succumb to her terminal illness, and being left with a verbally and physically abusive father left its mark on me. But while that was gradual, the most traumatic incident occurred when the man I thought to be my best friend sexually assaulted me. It's been incredibly difficult to move past the effects these events have had on me, to have more control over my own life. At the very least, creating some physical distance between me and that awful place and what happened there has helped a bit.

I wish you the best of luck on your own journey, and I hope a fresh start finds it way to you too. I can't thank you enough for the warm and kind welcome you've given me here. Having this community to turn to when things get unbearable is going to make a real difference, I think.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#12
I grew up in a quiet retirement city with little to do, and bleak future prospects. I don't know how to explain it, but the general disrepair of everything, the lack of escape aside from substances or just stupid teenager activities, and the both sustained and sudden trauma that followed me around, it felt so constricting.

Seeing my young, kindly mother slowly succumb to her terminal illness, and being left with a verbally and physically abusive father left its mark on me. But while that was gradual, the most traumatic incident occurred when the man I thought to be my best friend sexually assaulted me. It's been incredibly difficult to move past the effects these events have had on me, to have more control over my own life. At the very least, creating some physical distance between me and that awful place and what happened there has helped a bit.

I wish you the best of luck on your own journey, and I hope a fresh start finds it way to you too. I can't thank you enough for the warm and kind welcome you've given me here. Having this community to turn to when things get unbearable is going to make a real difference, I think.
Hey again, good afternoon.

I can only imagine growing up in a retirement city must be a little daunting with not much future prospects.

So sorry to hear about your dear mother, that must have been very traumatic and left some marks on your heart and soul. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, have you had any counselling, grief counselling in particular should help with what you have gone through *hug

What your ''best friend'' did to you was not your fault and you didn't deserve it, what an awful betrayal :(

Again, counselling will help with that and here on SF too, many of us have been through similar experiences unfortunately but we all have it in us to recover and move on and live our lives to the fullest.

I'm so happy to hear this community is helping you and thank you so much for your well wishes to me. *hug
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#13
I'm glad you got out of that town. I grew up in a pretty depressing town too. Not a retirement town, but one that's economically depressed, and so the people there just generally have a pessimistic outlook and there wasn't much to do. The last time I was there my sister and I were musing about how much worse our lives would probably be if we'd stayed. I think in general it helps to be in a place where people have a better outlook. Though I know it's especially hard right now to immerse yourself in that.

You are still young! It's okay that you're 'doing nothing with your life' because you are actually doing an important thing that you don't give yourself credit for - figuring out who you are and how you want to live your life.
 

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