Dumb Joke Thread

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by neverdie, Apr 4, 2008.

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  1. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    Why did the easter bunny hide his eggs?

    Cause he didn't want anyone to know he was screwing a chicken.

  2. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    This one is my classic favourite:

    A man goes around the corner...


  3. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    There once was a woman from brizes, who had breasts of 2 different sizes, one was so small it was nothing at all, and the other was large and won prizes.

  4. What do you call a bunch of cows masturbating?

    Beef stroganoff…

    What do you call a cow with one leg?


    What do you call a cow with three legs?


    What do you call a cow with no legs lying in a field?

    Ground Beef

    Why does a milking stool have only three legs?

    Because the cow has the udder.

    What's a cow's favorite musical note?


    What do you call a cow that has just had a calf?


    Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?

    They called it The Herd Shot 'Round The World!
  5. 20 lemmings walk into a bar.


  6. There was an old man from Blackheath
    who sat on his set of false teeth
    He got up with a start,
    and said "Lord bless my heart!
    I've bitten myself underneath!!"
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

  8. There was young fellow named Cass
    whose bollocks were made out of brass
    When they tinkled together
    they played "Stormy Weather",
    and lightening shot out of his *ss


    The things I remember from so long ago :blink:
  9. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    20 lemmings walk into a bar.

    Ooo I haven't played that game in a long time
  10. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Why don't oysters give to charity?
    Because they're shellfish!
  11. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    One day three guys were driving in the middle of nowhere when their car broke down.

    They got out and looked around at their surroundings.

    Finally, the first guy says, "I'm gonna go look for some food."

    The other two guys say, "Why?".

    "So we can eat of course." says the first guy.

    Once the first guy comes back the second guy says, "I'm going to go get some water".

    "Why" asked the other two.

    "So we can drink it if we get thirsty of course".

    Once the second guy gets back the third guy goes and tears off the car door.

    "Whats that for?" asked the other two.

    " In case we get hot we can roll down the window."
  12. 'A Fish Tale' (groan...)

    Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

    The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten".

    As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

    Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

    While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn.

    He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).

    Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

    "He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.

    Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

    Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked.

    "Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me, I've changed."

    scroll down

    "I've found Cod! I'm a prawn again, Christian!!"

    (My apologies...that shellfish joke *triggered* me)
  13. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

  14. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

    She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

    The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

    "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

    The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

    "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

    "Where did you get that?"

    The pig replied,

    "I won her in a raffle!"
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,

    "You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
  18. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    lol! :laugh:

    How do you invent a perpetual motion machine?

    You write "turn" on both sides of a note and give it to a blonde.

    (In Sweden, the joke is about giving it to a Norweigan; our "blonde" jokes are always about Norweigans, here.)
  19. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    good one :laugh:
  20. neverdie

    neverdie Guest

    A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

    The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

    Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

    "HELLLOOOOOOO...," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
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