One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So He called one of His best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while. When she returned she told God, yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, He thought for a moment and thought maybe He'd better send down a second angel to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and 5% is good." God said this was not good.
So He decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that e-mail said?
Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer.
*
One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, but only after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ... and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, but only after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
*
A priest and a rabbi are seated together on a plane eating there in flight meal
After a while, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks: "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responds: "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asks: "Have you ever eaten pork?"
To which the rabbi replies: "Yes, on one occasion, I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his meal.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest: "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied: "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him: "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"
The priest replied: "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and then they sat silent for about five minutes…
Then the rabbi spoke again to the priest: "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
*
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?!"