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Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by LenaLunacy, Oct 20, 2009.

  1. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Yesterday was, quite possibly, THE worst day of my life. Before i can tell you why, though, you need the back story.
    My boyfriend, Dave, and I have been together for 13 months now last week. And although we had our problems, we weren't the worlds best couple, we always talked about the problems as they arose and tried to tackle them together. In short, things seemed to be going well with us. We'd go to the cinema every week, and he'd spent the weekend at my house.
    Last weekend was no different. He came over Saturday, he was early for once, and left sunday. And we had a lovely weekend. We laughed, we kissed, everything was completely normal.
    Monday rolls around and we both have a busy day at uni. He doesn't text in the morning like he says he would but i assume thats because he is in a rush and so i text him. I get a perfectly normal reply; "Good morning. I'm good thanks and slept well thanks, you? Are you on time today? I have 2 lectures, a workhop and a placement talk." I reply at around 4pm, but i don't hear back from him and so i text again asking if he was ever planning on replying, in a joking manner. He replied and i sent a text asking if he was planning on going to this placement thing. Hours pass and he doesn't reply. So when i get home i ring him, but he puts my call through to voicemail. I just assume he's with his mum and ask him to ring me when he gets the chance.
    10 minutes after i get put through to his voicemail he sends me a text (Yes, a text, after 13 months that's the best he can manage) saying he doesn't think we're working out and he thinks i can do better than him and should move on. I feel my whole world falling in on itself.
    I tried calling him but he won't answer. Coward. I really think after 13 months the least he could do is talk to me on the phone. If i were to have been the one to dump him, i would have done it in person. It's the decent thing to do. But i did manage to convince him to come on MSN since i felt he hadn't explained why enough.
    His reason? "My heart isn't in it anymore." What the hell? What does that even mean. After 13 months, and all we've been through, thats his excuse.
    So he dumped me, and i don't know why. Now i can't eat, sleep, and all i can think is why. Was it something i did? I keep racking my brains thinking about anything i said over the last few weeks that made him suddenly decide i wasn't the one for him.
    My mum reckons it was this placement talk he went to. A couple of weeks ago he was telling me about it and how it would get him a lot of money. I did say to him at the time that i wasn't sure how we would work as a long distance couple and that he should bear that in mind, but i didn't say we couldn't work. But it seems odd that he was fine all weekend, he was fine most of monday, but then he had this placement talk and decides we should split up. My mother reckons that at the talk they told him all this positive, brilliant stuff about going on a placement, and he decided he wanted to go and we would have to split up.
    But i don't think he'll end up going. He's a mummy's boy, he can't iron his own clothes, pair his own socks, wash his own clothes. In general, he can't look after himself. There's no way he could spend a year living alone in a foreign country with no friends, and no family.
    My mum reckons this isn't the last of it. She reckons he'll come back because it seems like this a spur of the moment decision and he'll come to regret it. But, to be honest, if he does come back he's gotta give me a damn good reason for doing this to me, and i've got to be certain he won't do it again. Cos i won't go through this again. And even then, i'm not sure i'd go back to him.
    I'm just so devastated right now, i feel like someone has reached into my chest and pulled out my heart. There's just a huge empty hole there now. The pain is unbearable. I woke up this morning hoping it was all a nightmare and i'd find him sleeping on my sofa like usual. But no, it was real. And this pain is real. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't do anything. It hurts too much.
    He was The One, i was madly and irrevocably in love with him. I couldn't picture life without him. I can't picture life without him.
    I don't know where to go from now.
  2. Zirone

    Zirone Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how you are feeling as i got dumped not even a month ago, the best thing you can do after something like this is take your mind off it completely, going out and having fun is essential at a time like this but unfortunately its going to take time to get over him.

    As you are at Uni it wont be hard to meet new people, so while your meeting new people you may find someone you like :)

    Hope my advice isnt completely useless :rolleyes:

  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Aww honey. Sorry I have no advice, well none that would be of any use to you. Just wanted to send you a hug :console:.
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I know the feeling Lena. I'm sorry you have to experience that kind of pain but it is not uncommon. Some 30 plus years ago, I had my heart torn out for the first time...in person, face to face. We both cried as she told me. Then someone gave me a new heart and I had that one torn out 10 years after that over the phone. The pain was the same. I think I may have hurt someone similarly over the phone when I was younger, maybe around 22 or 23and I must admit that it was immature to do it in that manner.

    Now, I think I have another heart, but have yet to test the market lest that one be yanked also. Somehow we go on and I'm sure that given some time you will be o.k. Take care...

  5. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    im sorry lena :hug: keep your chin up sweet... it takes time to get over things like this and its important that you take some time to work out what it is that YOU want... if he comes back do you want him back? would you like to be single awhile? etc etc all things to take time to reflect upon... im sorry your hurting so badly and im here if you need to talk :hug:
  6. NinjaSwan

    NinjaSwan Active Member

    That really sucks Lena :( I understand how you are feeling- I am going through a similar situation. And he was a coward for not being able to see you face to face, or even call you.

    Keep your head up. I know it's really hard :sadyes:
  7. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    HIya lena I went through something very similar to you.
    I was going back out with a GF from high school, I was not over her at all, and this was this past February FYI.

    Well a common friend of hers and mine from High school found me on myspace, and I noticed my exgf was on her freidslist so I added her that night, I got a message from her the next day, she asked me to dinner with some friends, I came, she had told me over the phone that she wants her daughter to approve of me, and I got the ok.

    And things went well, I just wanted one thing, since it had been so long, I wanted to get to know her again, I mean 13 years is alot of time a person can change.

    But getting down to the end, it was after dinner, we had all went to Circuit City, Jan was being distant on me, so I kinda made some space, her best friend at the time was talking to her, then she came to me, her friend told me that Jan did not want to go out with me anymore cause my pocket is not big enough basicly, then later that night Jan sent me a message on myspace saying she is sorry, but she was not interested anymore, basically.

    She asked to be friends, i said NO, I was too pissed she could not be honest to me up front, but all that told me she was a dishonest person, so she was not worth it.
  8. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    *hugs*, sry to hear about the breakup. In time you'll slowly go back to normal. Dont give up hope and think he was the only one though, i mean, there's over a billion people on this planet, there's going to be more than one person that'll be right for you. I hope no matter what though he doesnt cause you anymore pain.
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Been there definitely.
    We're all here for you Lena :hug:
  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone, for the kind words. I really appreciate it. I don't know where'd i be without you guys. :grouphug:
  11. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    Hey anytime lena