Dunno if I can handle it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xZombiexAngelx, Dec 21, 2011.

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  1. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    Been dealing with all of this stuff since I was in 5th grade
    I've never really gotten help
    No counseling
    I tried anti-depressants
    And it just didn't work
    It's all been building up for years
    And it's been spilling over in the form of panic attacks for days now
    Tonight has been the worst
    Even taking the xanax didn't help
    I dunno if I can hold on much longer
    It's too much for my heart to bare onto
    I just can't do it
    I don't know what to do anymore
    I don't have any real friends to talk to
    Theres one girl who I email a lot, but I can't talk to her right now
    All I know is I'm at my wits end
    Nothing is helping anymore
  2. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    Hi, I hope that you decide to stick around for a little while. I know that everything is tough, but if you can find the strength to reach out, someone will catch you, whether it be the support you can find here, or in chat, or hopefully in real life. I am urging you to fight. I'm available for PM if you ever want to talk about anything.

  3. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    Thanks. But I think I'm beyond help at this point. I feel like suicide is my last resort, and may be my only option. Nobody listens to me around here. My dad won't listen. He's the only one who can fix this awful situation, and he won't do it.
  4. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    I understand the Dad thing my Dad denies that I have a mental illness. Will Smith said it, "Parents just don't understand" (sorry for dating myself) but I hope you feel like making a connection with people here, so that maybe you can gain the courage to make your Dad listen (in a constructive way) or even seek help yourself.
  5. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I don't think I can be helped anymore
    I feel like I missed my chances
    8 years of holding it all in and putting on a brave face...
    It all has just been crashing down on me the last few days
    I think it's too late for someone to help me
  6. cordial1

    cordial1 Well-Known Member

    Its never too late. Know that, you're still here. I don't know your sitch, but I know that its hard to keep living when life is so hard. But just keep breathing. Its never too late, for anything. I was in your place this past spring, and I still stumble, but I know that there is something I need to do, and if it is proving everyone who tells me I can't wrong, or proving that I can make it. That is what I'm going to do. Don't stop fighting. There are people who love you, care about you, seek those people in hard times like this. If you feel like you cannot, reach out here. We are here for you. Never stop fighting.
  7. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    It is never too late for help, 8 years is a long time to be strong alone, you are allowed to get help. Can you get counselling or something similar?
  8. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    I finally talked to my dad. I went to this.... 'interesting' psychiatrist who decided to take me off the zoloft and xanax.
    He has now put me on Klonopin and Remeron.
    It all seems to be working.
    I was only taking 15mg for Remeron
    But after he saw me and I told him how I was wanting to kill myself
    He upped it to 30mg
    Now I'm drowsy all the time :/
    The klonopin (i think) makes me lose my balance and I've been having odd vivid dreams/nightmares
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Are they helping though?
    If so the side effects may be worth it.

    Are your nightmares bad?
  10. Hetfield

    Hetfield Member

    I'll listen.
  11. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Janine,

    I am proud of you for reaching out as well as getting your dad to understand your situation better. Way to go! Best of luck with the medicines, and I hope your psychiatrist can make changes as needed to alleviate some of these uncomfortable side effects. ((Hugs)) Take care of yourself!

  12. xZombiexAngelx

    xZombiexAngelx Well-Known Member

    They seem to be helping.
    The main side effect I get is the dizziness.

    The nightmares are really weird.
    Very vivid, it feels so real.

    Last night I had one where I was in the doctors office
    He came in and started stabbing me with a scalpel
    And I thought I could actually feel it

    ---------- Post added at 03:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:32 PM ----------

    Thanks :)
    I'm also proud of myself for finally getting help!
  13. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am glad they help. Well done for getting help.
    That sounds nasty. Are dreams a known side effect?
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