Dunno if I need someone..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Jun 19, 2013.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Dunno if I need someone to talk to.. I just.. am so stressed.. and so tired of repeating my story though.. been tears in my eyes past few days along with anger / rage.. My computer been having issues.. Can't get into chat because of it.. Causing some Java problem.. Mostly just been avoiding life and playing video games or going out to groups to avoid everything while I wait for things to improve.. I don't really have much support right now.. My therapist was going to refer me to a trauma center.. but he hasn't referred me to a new temp therapist yet.. I get my support right now from my friend who lives with me and at the groups we go to for people who are also dealing with similar things..

    But it's difficult in the nights like these were a certain conversation has come up and caused an enormous amount of stress to overcome me.. and besides my friend who feels a similar stress I feel I have almost no one.. Yeah, I've thought about calling support lines.. And I've tried now and again to talk online.. But I find it almost counter-productive when I have to re-explain everything and still continue to feel as if no one can really understand unless they are here and can see how I am struggling / it is affecting me and those around me.. and what is going on.. I've had maybe only once or twice found people I'm talking to whom I feel are understanding to what I am expressing.. But for the most part maybe I'm just beyond words anymore.. I don't even know what to do or think anymore.. Its become an almost constant avoidance game..
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I think it is very hard when in a dark place to get the help you think you need. The reason is simple- in your mind you have already decided there is no help or solution or feeling better possible; so if it is impossible to you, you will always reject what help offered as not enough. Things like "while I wait for things to improve" - waiting without substantial action or effort seldom improves anything. This is obviously difficult when the amount of effort needed just to hold on to where you are at is so much , but does not change the fact that until something changes, nothing is going to change.

    People hearing your story will not bring them to the same pits of despair or understanding that you feel, and seeing it will not either because they are not in as dark of place as you and they see solutions that you have closed your mind to. When others are looking for solutions and you are looking for obstacles, you will always win and end up saying they do not understand. It is not they who do not understand. Often it is your mind in a dark places preventing you from understanding and refusing to see a glimmer of hope.....
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    What other options are you referring to? And I am simply saying we must wait for government programs to have certain openings.. I'm not just sitting here idle.. I go to groups EVERY week who are supposed to be there for others in similar circumstance.. I see a homelessness counselor regularly and she had referred us to the housing program. My friend sees an Auterney about her SSI application.. We have asked numerous friends about other options of places to stay.. They haven't given us other ideas as far as resources.. Simply we are still going to talk to people, avoid being at home, and maybe find some people who are willing to listen.. See this is my problem trying to talk to anyone.. They assume we are doing nothing.. when that isn't the case.. We aren't verbally being given other options that we haven't already tried or are already doing.. Other then going to a homeless shelter and we aren't doing that for some very obvious reasons to us.. If you have other options you are willing to share with me let me know..

    Also my friend isn't depressed and DOES have a clue about whats going on because she is here to see it happening and experiencing the same shit.. And she and a few others I feel DO understand.. but very few..

    Its not that I don't have hope.. it's that I am stressed from everything going on and feel limited.. And maybe your right about how I'm looking for obstacles but I don't know.. My family and my life has always been different then the "norm" and as such I have always felt that the difference and complications make is really hard for others to follow or really understand.. let alone I can't make sense of it sometimes..
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Right now i'm not sure I have the right words - but you know you can PM me via here if you don't see me in the chat.