Dunno what to do? What you think?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by cloud9, Jan 29, 2009.

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  1. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what to do in this situation. I have an older sister who is always at odds with my parents. It's always usually tense at home as any sort of confrontation between my parents and sis tends to go nuclear. Anyways my sis is going through this thing where she was to find a guy and get married. Of course, you're probably wondering what is wrong with that? Well, we're a muslim family and guys and girls don't date, so the only plausible option is an arranged marriage of some sort. Anyways, my family can't exactly set my sis up with somebody as we're socially inept people. That's what running a business that sucks a family's time and resources for about 7 to 8 years can do to a family. Anyways my sis is in her late 20s and in muslim/brown standards, her ship set sail quite a few years ago in terms of when the right age is to marry. Well, she's tried these islamic matchmaker sessions with no luck so I think she may be venturing out to actually seeing some guy. That's a big NO NO in our culture, community, religion.

    I mean I wouldn't have really suspected anything. I just came by my sis's computer one day and she was frantically trying to hide her e-mail from me. What I managed to catch a glimpse of was her typing e-mails back and forth with her old boss from where she used to work. Now I knew she had a crush on this guy, but I thought it was just a crush. I mean we all have crushes right? I was scared it was escalating. Anyways, one morning, in the middle of the night, I wanted to use my laptop and it was in my sis' room. So I decided to help myself to it. She was sleep as was everyone at home. To my surprise she forgot to log off her e-mail and staring in front of my was here correspondence with her boss. I should have probably closed it or logged out but the way she was acting strange lately compelled me to open it and read. And I read it all through only to realize that she contacted him and was really trying to come on to this guy. She's quite good with words so the wording was very suggestive. She wanted to meet him and it was clear from the e-mail that it was for more than a catch up session or something. Anyways, he had suggested they meet up on Thursday, which happens to be today. I never had the opportunity to see whether they decided to go ahead and meet up today or where they would meet.

    All I noticed was that today my sister was out of the house the entire day. Claiming she had a meeting and the gym to go to after work. When she came home I saw she was wearing her "nicer" looking jacket. My parents are of course suspicious and worried about why she went out for so long. When my mom picked me up from the train station today, she went to the gym parking lot to see whether my sister's car was parked there to confirm she actually did go to the gym.

    Now, I know this is going to sound really jerkish and careless. I've really sort of withdrawn from my family. I prefer to stay at work later cause I don't like home, I'll even work later than other people. This is a job I dislike btw. Since I read the e-mail I've really stopped talking to my sis. It's too weird for me. Oh and if my parents ever found out that she was truly up to something, this would rip my family apart. Especially my dad, he would explode. He's really into what other people in the community would think and how the family image would be scarred if other people find out. I personally don't care if my sis does like this guy adn whatever. I mean I know it sounds wrong, but I've always wished I had a girlfriend and was close to someone, I'd be an idiot to think she didn't feel the same way. If I wasn't such a social misfit I think I would have been serious with someone right now. Should I even deny her that. However, if she did, this family is toast. As we are already pretty unstable I don't think I or this family could tolerate much more stability. Our lives are already shit, this would potentially make things shittier. I'd prefer not to get involved, but I dunno. I really don't have anyone else to confide in or ask for advice. What do you think? What would you do?

    Thanks for reading if you did stick till the end.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It is ultimately you sisters life and she is past the age to find a suitable husband. So I would just steer clear and let her live it the way she wants. If it comes to your parents attention then it is between her and them. You don't need to involve yourself. That is just my opinion, it doesn't mean I am right, it's just how I would cope with it!!~Joseph~
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    You sound very concerned for someone who does not like his sister...is there a way to agree to disagree and not have to shut her out completely? Just a thought, J
  4. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    I would honestly support my sister in whatever way I thought best, wether that be talking to her about it (probably impossible by the sound of it and best avoided), keeping very quiet so your parents never suspect, or even covering her tracks if need be without her knowing.

    If you don't discuss it with her and it all comes out you'll be 'safe', it's your call in the end.

    I would never look at her email again, but you know that anyway as you said.

    Even if it ends in disaster for your family it'll probably always feel worse for your sister as she will be 100% isolated and shunned, that's why I'd support (that is support, not assist!) her.

    Just my opinions.
  5. cloud9

    cloud9 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the advice. I guess I'll steer clear for the moment anyway. I dunno if I'll talk to her about it. I mean I never "talk" to her about anything, so don't think i'll start now. As I write this my dad is complaining to me why my sister is late every night from work lol. Life's a bitch!
  6. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    You sound like a cool guy to me I'm sure you'll do the best thing in the given situation..........................It's a shame your sister and you aren't closer but hey that is life.

    Take it easy and I hope it turns out ok for you all.
  7. joanne

    joanne Member

    The sympathy you have for your sister really comes across nicely in your message. Whether you guys talk much or not you obviously relate to some of what she's going though.

    I agree with the other responses that you probably shouldn't say anything. It really is her responsibility.

    Having endured a lot of instability in my own family I can honestly say that there were times I tried to convince them to do what I thought was best. Often the results were not what I had hoped - or they just kept on doing what they wanted anyway. It was exhausting.

    Good luck
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