dunno why im really posting this. i havent really been there for anyone here in soooo long. i dont have the right. guess ive just been down again for some reason.the thoughts keep coming back. i catch myself thinking "now remind yourself how stupid you are because you need tp remember it" and "keep telling yourself youre bad because you need to know it" i guess that will never go away really. wish i could come here more often.everyone probably thinks i abandoned them or something or i dont really care.i just feel like a failure sometimes. like no matter what i do no one will understand me.some of my best ftiends dont understand me at all. i wish they did. i wish i could be part of the world.but im just off in my own little space. comfortable but sad. just sad that i acgt like such a looser. i just let things go that are good (not sf i dont thinks that will ever be possible) its like im still here i exist but dont interact with anything. i dunno just miss talking to people here. i always miss it. just rambling i guess.this makes no sense.