dutch courage

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by forlorn, Mar 13, 2008.

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  1. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    Going to get pissed tonight, then who knows might, might be my last time. Whys life so fucking hard? Sick of ppl analysing my problems and telling me to just get on with it. Nobody knows my story and why should i tell them? Auto-cued questions get unemotional answers. Not interested in what other ppl want and leaving a legacy. Im tongue tied and twisted just an earth bound misfit i. Destined to leave this body and soar. I dont have a clue what i'm talking about. Tomorrows another fking pain in the ass day. I hope fking not. Said to myself im too old and wise to cut but if its the only way i'll feel then so be it. Need some release. If i cant do it then ill have to do something very wrong and someone will do it for me. Bad fking thoughts, im so fking angry. Never been angry before. Need out. Need a way. Fuck idk :sad:
     
  2. carol2237

    carol2237 Guest

    James,

    I am still here if you need to talk, just send a message whether through this, walkers, MSN or even calling me. I will always be here for you. *huggles*

    Caroline
     
  3. AimeeLou1984

    AimeeLou1984 Member

    Hi Forlorn,

    I'm new to this forum and I joined because over the past four months I've been feeling really suicidal.Not just feeling suicidal either - I've attempted it several times.

    It's like life just got too hard and every single minute started to drag. Everything that had ever gone wrong in my life seemed to come back to bite me. All I could think aout was the bad stuff and what was missing in my life. Because I don't have anything in my life right now,not compared to other people anyway. I have one good friend who I fell in love with but who couldn't love me back. So I was torn between keeping everything to myself and telling him everything.

    I understand completely what you mean about people asking stupid questions and not wanting to talk about things. One thing I always say to my friend who tries to talk to me about how I'm feeling is "what's the point" or "it doesn't matter" because it really doesn't. Every time I tried tlaking to them about how I'm feeling they come out with a comment which means nothing. Or they manage to say something to upset me even more.

    What I've found is that a lot of people feel angry at me for feeling how I do and that in itself makes me feel angry at them. So I kept going through a cycle. I got so down, so angry, so upset that I tried to end it. The pain that I was in every day was unbearable. Then the thought that nobody understood and that I had nobody in my life realy made me suicidal. Nothing anybody could say to me could have changed my mind about ending it. So I know that how you are feeling now will be really strong and nothing I can say can probably change your mind but I want to try.

    So if you need to talk about anything at all. If you need someone to vent to and who understands a little about what you are going through then I'm here.I don't know if I'll feel suicidal again but I know I'm trying my best not to. Not for anybody else - but for me. We all deserve to be happy, even if we don't believe it ourselves sometimes.

    Aimee xxx
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Don't give up forlorn. You can overcome this. You're a nice guy and you've been a good friend to many people here on SF. Please hang on.
     
  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    The thing with dutch courage is... I see it as your body 'forcing' you to do something, deep down, you don't really want to do. Yes, you feel like life is crap but you don't want to kill yourself. Whether it's because of the fear of getting it wrong or death itself, or any other reason. Do you want to kill yourself or are you sick of living? There is a difference. :hug:
     
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