dying alcoholic

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by goop, Aug 22, 2006.

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  1. goop

    goop Active Member

    hi all

    I've been boozing for a good while now. Been on three DT's with librium support, and have been living with the psychiatric fallout of continued booze abuse for about 10 years. My Psych (an idiot) agreed to prescribe antibuse but because she does not like me and enjoys fucking me around, she changed her mind a week later. So no antibuse. I have tried AA several times. My anxiety is nasty, so i cant go to the meetings sober. I have 2mg diazapam, but im 6ft 3, 16 stone and its like a mouse raping a horse. Going to AA meetings pissed is not great either.

    Anyway, i have to quit. I had a liver/kidney function test about a year ago. My liver function was wasted & my kidneys where not great either. I managed to quit for seven months and my liver recovered. Every time I get pissed (every day) i wake up the next day and wind up going to the toilet 5-10 times with pure fluid diarorhea (urgh)

    Its nasty and maybe im in trouble

    I need to quit but cant go to AA and my Dr wont precribe antibuse.

    Can anyone help me out? What do i do? Im screwed. Im on a sinking ship but am without a lifeboat.

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 22, 2006
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    easy, change your doctor and tell the next one that antabuse worked for you.
    by the way thanks for bringing that up, i wanted to try antabuse but didn't really think it worked coz i thought it was a hype. i managed to quit on my own but if i ever feel like drinking again, i'll give it a try. join clubs. replace drinking with another activity. thats one of the best things you can do; coz just deciding to quit is pure bullshit, as indicated by newton's laws of motion.
  3. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hey im sorry your having such a hard time.My problems are slightly different to yours but i sense i can relate to at least osme of how you see to be feeling right now.We are here for you and i am for you.Feel free to PM [private message] me anytime ok?Itt will always be good to hear from you and know how ylour doing.Do you know why your Dr wont prescribe the Antibuse?And can you get a second opinion or see another Dr or something?Sorry i dont know if this has been any use to you but i wanted to reply and let you know that i am here.And those are just a few thoughts/suggestions i had on the spot.

    Please take care
  4. goop

    goop Active Member

    hi kath & sudut

    changing dr's is a great idea. Sadly i cant do it. My psychiatrist is at the top of her game (a consultant) so i cant bin her (sadly!)

    Its nasty.

    I look and feel like shit. My face is wasted. All the veins in my face are cracked and i look like a heroin addict. Im on closapine to, so im podgy and look like a right weirdo.

    antibuse is a nasty drug.I dont know if you know this, but if you drink any booze you are violently ill. Result- you cant drink. Some people cant even wear deodorant or aftershave,as they have a nuclear reaction to the aclohol content.

    im well fucked.

    my family (my mum) are all IT gurus. Im not the paranoid type (hah!) but i get concernered that my 'family' could be reading what i post.

    Anyway, its fucked up.I just have to outlive my mum. Nothing more, nothing less. When she is dead, im outa here. I have a long & complicated plan. When she is dead, im gone

    Its nasty.



    btw kath i might take you up on the pm.

    (sorry for swearing to!)
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2006
  5. Skye

    Skye Active Member

    Hey goop,

    I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. Struggling with many of the same issues myself, so I relate to a lot of what you posted.

    Just something that occurred while reading your post:

    Just because your p-doc is at "the top of her game", it doesn't mean that she's the right one for you. It takes a lot of time, effort and "switching" to find the right one. All people are different and behave differently around each other ~ you need to feel as comfortable and confident as possible in/with your treatment. If you have to change p-docs thirty times to find one that is right for you and your needs, you'll feel the benefit much more. From you're own mouth "she doesn't like me" and "enjoys fucking me around" ~ those aren't signs of a good p-doc...qualifications or no qualifications.

    However, if this really isn't feasable for you right now, have you tried asking why your meds, or dosage are getting changed around so often? If you're not happy with something, you need to say so.

    Didn't really mean to jump onto a soapbox there. Sorry.
    I wish you the very, very best. Remember that you are even stronger than you know.
    Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk, goop.

  6. goop

    goop Active Member


    For me, soap is slippy. Standing on a box could be precarious, so i try to avoid it!

    My mind is my mind. Only i can deal with it.

    I've remembered a few things and they have clicked. One can never be to sure, but i am fairy sure that my electronic communications are being intercepted and digested (complicated business)

    Thanks for the help and advice. I reckon i will sell my car, fly to the states and get antibuse implants.

    The man with a plan!


    its nasty. my mental stamina is annihilated. My brain has been running up and down everest for the last 10+ years. Im fucked. I need to sleep.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2006
  7. goop

    goop Active Member

    loads of help on offer if you can 'relate'
  8. ShadyMalingerer

    ShadyMalingerer Active Member

    good luck dude
  9. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Hey goop, i know that its not this easy but whenever you feel like drinking tell yourself no and think of how its wrecking things, do something insted like go for a run or yeah.. anything really... All the best, feel free to pm me if you wanna talk, good luck, Allo
  10. AliveAndAwake

    AliveAndAwake Active Member

    I like to drink to. I know it ain't the best but I love it. It makes me feel good. I use to smoke cigarettes, but I quit cold turkey 8 months ago. I guess I give myself a pat on the back for that one. I smoked for 12 years, and I know smoking is hard to quit. Unless you have alot of motivation. The motivation I used was I would be saving money, not being tired all the time, not coughing, not getting a dry throat, not getting yellow teeth, not weezing when I run, not gettting my lungs messed up, not relying on a cigarette every hour to get me through etc. And it worked.
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