eh, haven't been here in awhile. Seriously thinking about it again. What really is the point?? People keep saying you have to find your own reason for living, well, what if I can't find any reason?? What if it's all meaningless to me. I'll never find love, anyone to love me, never make enough money to fill this gaping void. Never measure up to "normal" in this lifetime. I'm nothing in this life, and no matter what I do, I can't escape it. I guess there is ONE thing that would make it a little more bearable, if I won the mega jackpot lottery and bought a secluded house in the middle of nowhere and hid out there for the rest of my days... that might make this life somewhat bearable. But how the hell do I win the lottery?? that's stupid. I'm stupid. I hate myself and my life. I hate people and this godamned world. I hate being alive and being conscious and having to feel things and feeling like shit and crying and pain and love and work and everything. I won't ever change. I'm not worthy of life. i just need to die. I need to lie down and just die.