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Dying inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by prelon, Jan 22, 2009.

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  1. prelon

    prelon Member

    I am truely dying inside, i feel i have no energy left in me to go on. I'm in my early twenties and everyone expects me to be full of life and optimism, but i'm not. I've tried for the last five years to pick up my life and do something with it. I've had no help from anyone and i have no family they are all dead or were just never there to begin with. The few friends i have don't understand. I told one of my friends online the other day that i felt down, and he sent me a picture of his chest in response?????????? because he grew muscle there???????????????? and that was supposed to make me feel better?????????

    Nobody understands how i feel. The doctors i've spoken to are so stupid, i leave my gp feeling worse than i did before i went in. It's almost as though they enjoy making me feel worse because it makes them feel better or something. I went in the other day and came out, went home then cried for about 5 hours. Being alive is like a curse to me, i have nothing but bad luck and everything that could go wrong in my life has gone wrong.

    I refuse to take ani depressants because in my eyes they are no more than brain washing drugs to make me *sane* But they wont make me sane because i already am, and killing my self will be the most sane and rational thing i could ever do.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know how you feel. I'm sure a lot of people here do.
    Are you only seeing your GP? Have you tried therapy at all... as an alternative to taking anti-depressants?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...my opinion re medication differs...if it makes my life easier, and is not very harmful, bring it on...I think there is no valor in suffering...meds have worked well for me, and I no longer need them to maintain a more realistic/optimistic mood...I will take them again if I feel I need them...I guess I am an advocate of 'better life through well thought out chemistry'...and yes, I went kicking and screaming against these meds for yrs...best of luck and again welcome, J
  4. AlexPeace

    AlexPeace Active Member

    I hear U & it can be rough esp finding people that undestand U, try to reach out and Hang in there, I have been in that place also.and it's tough feeling so depresased etc All my prayers and a hug :') :heart::cuddle2:
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi prelon and welcome to SF. :welcome: I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting so much. You've come to the right place for help and support. Many SF members are going through a similar situation as you and are having a hard time dealing with depression. I'm here if you need a friend to talk to. :hug:
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    that 1 moment where you think about your life, and think... fuck it. where you wait for someone to save you... but theres no one there. noone cares to stay, no one cares to be there. im in the same boat as you, fuck life man... ive been anything but mean to humans but they dont even know im there. let the bullets fly, and the bitches fall.
  7. prelon

    prelon Member

    Thanks for your replies. To be honest the one that actually made me feel better was the bleakest, because it's true. No one cares really and the world is dog eat dog. As angelo said...been anything but mean to humans...in fact i think the majority of people who go through depression tend to be the kindest, they know what it's like to be in pain so they don't try to inflict it on others.

    As for therapy, i feel i may as well talk to a brick wall. At the end of the day those therapists get paid to do it, like £100000 a year, and most of them are burnt out. No one can "save" me especially a therapist of all people, and it is true that i've waited to be saved. I can't knock therapists or medication on the whole because if some one wants to live they should try everything and anything to do so, but for me, personally, i don't want to live and i feel death is the only thing that i have to look forward to now.
  8. mystereo2099

    mystereo2099 Well-Known Member

    Yeh life sucks and then you die. But killing yourself if just giving up - so it's not really an option. Just keep pushing through, one day at a time. One minute, one second. Yeh and therapists/medication/etc etc never helped me either - it's not for everyone. Just keep stickin it out, ten seconds at a time.
  9. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Oh dear prelon - you reminded me of myself when i was 19
    i felt the exact same feeling and also just like you i didnt took any meds
    but let me tell you a little secret, i know what you think about meds
    i had the same idea about them, but i was wrong, and so are you
    why wount you give it a chance? open this door to the next stage
    and eventualy you will find the exit.
    Today i am 23 y\o guy, still didnt found the exit but im in the last stage
    the final frontier, im going to hospitlise myself soon as the final battle
    over there i will let the doctors to littrley NUKE my brain with all they got
    and then, i will exit threw the last door to the open world smiling
    becaouse i defeated the demon in me!
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