I am truely dying inside, i feel i have no energy left in me to go on. I'm in my early twenties and everyone expects me to be full of life and optimism, but i'm not. I've tried for the last five years to pick up my life and do something with it. I've had no help from anyone and i have no family they are all dead or were just never there to begin with. The few friends i have don't understand. I told one of my friends online the other day that i felt down, and he sent me a picture of his chest in response?????????? because he grew muscle there???????????????? and that was supposed to make me feel better????????? Nobody understands how i feel. The doctors i've spoken to are so stupid, i leave my gp feeling worse than i did before i went in. It's almost as though they enjoy making me feel worse because it makes them feel better or something. I went in the other day and came out, went home then cried for about 5 hours. Being alive is like a curse to me, i have nothing but bad luck and everything that could go wrong in my life has gone wrong. I refuse to take ani depressants because in my eyes they are no more than brain washing drugs to make me *sane* But they wont make me sane because i already am, and killing my self will be the most sane and rational thing i could ever do.