dying inside

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by impulse617, Oct 28, 2006.

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  1. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    im afraid 2 post here because of wat u might think. But I am on the verge of being suicidal, idk wat 2 do with myself

    Ok here's the story. Now there r these 2 beautiful girls that i'm related to (they're twins but don't look alike, u can easily tell them apart). Im not related 2 them by blood, just by marriage. My brother married there aunt, and idk wat that makes us but we just consider each other cousins cause its easier (even tho we aren't even close to cousins). Im 2 and 1/2 years older then they r, im a senior and in HS and they're Freshman (if it matters). Ive known them for about 5 months. I also work with them at a grocery store

    Anyways I called one of them and told them how i felt. I didn't tell her right away, i was actually just playfully teasing her at first (2 like ease the tension and make it seem less serious so maybe she wouldn't feel as weird). Well she ended up figureing out it was indeed her and her sister that i liked (and i explained that i didn't want 2 liek 2 people but i don't control who i like and who i don't) She told me she feels a little weird cause we're cousins and the family might not agree with it, and i totally feel the same way. She hung up and said she would call me in 5 minutes but never did

    the next day, I ended up texting one of them and we ended up trading texts. Basicly she told me that she felt weird and that there was nothing i could do. The last thing I said in a text was (pretty much word for word) "Look I just want both of u 2 know that I really care about u, as friends and cousins, not just crushes. I'll always be here 4 u and i hope this doesn't get in the way of our relationship. Ok i'll leave u alone now". She responded with "ok i understand" and that was the end of it.

    In work 2day i didn't say anything 2 them and they didn't say anything 2 me which is how it usually is anyways since there isn't really any time to talk during work. But of course knowing me i thought it was because of all thats happened.

    I just dont know wat 2 do with myself. Do u know wat its like 2 care about som1 (in this case 2 people) so much and they could care less about u? i could die right now and I bet u it wouldn't affect them at all. They probably wouldn't even be at my funeral. It just burns a hole inside of me

    idk wat 2 do from here, im just hoping 2 hear good things (but dont let that influence wat u say). Be hoenst with me, i know they could care less about me, its ok u can tell me im right like i know i am.
  2. joeysephine

    joeysephine Well-Known Member

    ermmmm, i dunno, but since no one else has posted am gunna give it ago

    just treat it like you would anyone else that you couldnt have or something, thats what i would do, have it just as one of them things were you like them and eventually forget about them, ano it might be different if you wernt family, well you art acctually family but yano
  3. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    You need to do what you think is best for all of you
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You should have a talk with them and you all work out what you want to do and what you all agree is best.

    Take Care.........I'm here idf uyou need to PM someone to talk...:) :hug:

  5. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    thanx for the responses

    damn i just cant stop thinking about them. They r so beautiful, inside and out. The fact that I mean absolutely nothing to them is killing me. Ive never felt pain lke this b4 :sad:
  6. music_addict

    music_addict Well-Known Member

    your lucky that you have someone in your life that you can truly care for. Some of us are not so lucky.
    dont let them and their friendship slip away, youll probably live to regret it.
  7. impulse617

    impulse617 Well-Known Member

    i dont have a friendship with them, i dont have anything. They hate me (y, i dont know)
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