So as I go through these forums, I notice I could probably put something in most of them, since I have a very long list of things happening in my life. I'm sure a lot of people say that, but if I were to list them, everyone may understand what I mean. It says to post here if you are feeling suicidal, which as always, I am. The thoughts of dying never go away, the planning never stops, I simply just want to die. I know in my future I will commit suicide, however, I can't seem to decide when. There was a point where I had planned it to the time and date, and before it happened I made the mistake of letting it out, who knows.. maybe I just wasn't ready. The other night I was in an argument with my husband and was isolating in our room, and saw a bottle of pills sitting there, so I started taking small handfuls of them, by the third time, I started vomiting. Not because the pills themselves, but because of my gag reflexes. I ended up just being a little dizzy and out of it for a little while but nothing happened, didn't tell my husband or anything. I had a plan in place already for when I decided to, but at the moment, I threw that out the window and did what was right in front of me. Soooo once again, I am thinking of setting a date, I don't fear dying, I more fear hurting the people I am leaving behind. But on the other side of things, they are hurting me by expecting me to stay here and suffer with the things I have been through, the nightmares I relive every day. Soon I hope... Soon.