Dying now or later what's the difference?

[VonBlown]

I got out of the mental ward, after some cops came down to my house, because I posted on line I was feeling suicidal. Some jerk called them and told them I had it all planned out for that very day. Which I hadn't done at all. They talked to my parents which said yeah I was talking about suicide. And they said I would have to go to the crisis center to talk a psychiatrist. I talked to him and told him I was depressed over medical problems, and felt suicidal. And he said I should go into the mental ward for a while. And If I didn't sign myself in I would probably be court ordered.

So I went there was treated like shit, for 5 days before being released. Felt so bad, I actually did try to kill myself a couple of days later. The attempt failed. I felt really good after I did it though, very sleepy and dreamy, knew I did the right thing. But I just woke up almost 2 days later still alive. No bad after effects, just not dead.

 

[VonBlown]

Everybody is going to end up dead sooner or later. For all your effort, all you get is loss, and pain and suffering. Some much more so then others.

Whats the difference when you die? If your experiencing displeasure with life, why not leave if you can do it quickly and painlessly?

 

[VonBlown]

Sure things, can get better, but they are also, guaranteed to get worse eventually. Why endure a a slow painfull end?

I can't believe how much I am suffering already, just from my brain and nerves, from all my medial problems incredible pain has yet to set in. It scares me so out of my mind.

I can't even take any pain killers, as they and almost everything else radically constipates me. I am in such pain I cant believe it. And it has hardly begun. Anybody that would stay around for this is truly crazy.

 

[Mikeintx]

I am sorry you are having such bad medical problems right now Von Blown. I know that you have given up hope with regards to your condition, but things could get better. I have had a few family members and friends that were told bleak news by doctors that ended up being completely false later on. My mother was told when I was ten years old that I would be cripple by the time I was 18. I am 25 now and have no problems at all with walking, running, jumping, etc. I know you have lost hope, but please hang in there, things WILL get better just have hope and keep trying. :hug:

 

[VonBlown]

Thanks for the support Mike. But I dont see things getting much better. And it's all a crock anyway. As you end up dying sooner or later no matter what.

You see things differently when your feeling good and living in the fantasy, your not going to get sick and die. But everybody does, it can't be stopped.

 

[Mikeintx]

I know that Von, either way we all face the same end, but at the same time you may miss a lot by going now instead of later. I hope you can find some relief at some point and stay safe. :hug:

 

[VonBlown]

Life is meaningless, when it has to end. When your happy and healthy you see things through rose colored glasses, and want to go on having fun. But everybody comes around to the other way of thinking eventually. Some are lucky and have a quick clean death. But many keep it going all the way to the end. Taking drugs and using medical procedures, and assisted living to keep thier life going and thier misery increasing.

 

[VonBlown]

I'd just like to die now with dignity, before I become a seeping blob, that is in constant pain that can't take his own life.

I watched it happen to both sets of my grandparents. Just laying in bed in pain, their lives and pain, being extended by others around them, in a vain attempt to keep them alive to the very last moment they could exsist.

 

[VonBlown]

I'm scared out of my mind every second of everyday, that I'll be paralyzed by a heart attack or stroke. And then be put on a feeding tube, so I can have every last bit of agony before I go.

A person shouldn't have to be like this. Everyone telling him to have hope, and go on. When everyone knows what happens in the end.

 

[VonBlown]

Our society is insane and cruel, and keeps the sick and weak tortured to releave the tensions of those that are still healthy and well. Giving them the dellusion of safety and well being.

 

[Michael Ayin]

Our society is insane and cruel, and keeps the sick and weak tortured to releave the tensions of those that are still healthy and well. Giving them the dellusion of safety and well being.

There is A LOT of truth to that.

 

[Michael Ayin]

Thanks for the support Mike. But I dont see things getting much better. And it's all a crock anyway. As you end up dying sooner or later no matter what.

You see things differently when your feeling good and living in the fantasy, your not going to get sick and die. But everybody does, it can't be stopped.

I feel that (eventually) if things are chronic to the point of being terminal, it's time.

I'm not in bad health now, but if I am going to suffer much before death I would rather opt out.

 

[AlwaysConflicted]

There is no difference. From a philosophical stand point life is constantly racing towards death. Therefore, the goal of life is to die.