dying to be dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hopeless, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

    i wish i could say things have gotten better over the years, but they just seem to get worse.

    i had 2 hospitalizations in the last year but i really needed a lot more.
    who knows why i'm still alive.
    i really wish my last overdose had taken.
    i did a really good job except for the fact that my husband took me to the er and had them pump my stomach.

    i don't understand what's so great about being pregnant.
    i hate being pregnant.
    i figure i only have to survive until april and then i can try again.
    maybe this time i'll actually die.

    the only thing that keeps me from trying is this baby.
    i don't want her to suffer.
    it's not her fault she has a reject for a mother
    i certainly can't raise her feeling this way all of the time
    i just wish i could die now
    i wish i wasn't pregnant so i could shoot myself
    my husband keeps a gun in the house so getting a hold of one is not an issue
    i just have to have this baby first then i can blow my brains out.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You re right. You can't raise that little baby like this. So take the time before she is born and get some supports put in place so that you won't be doing it alone. Hormones during and after pregnancy are so out of wack. Could be you are responding to that. I was under suicide watch during most of my last pergnancy. But I got respite help and had some time to myself. It did help. After baby is born join a neighborhood New mom group. It helps having other moms to talk to about your fears and feelings. Personally I think talking to others in the same boat as you is far better than any shrink. They KNOW how you feel the doctors don't. Hold on and seek some help from others. Good luck.
  3. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I hope you can hold on for your baby... good luck...
  4. klintmad

    klintmad Active Member

    Hopeless, u r not hopeless..
    yes you see the life of your baby, but then, you must see the life of the carrier- that's you. Raise your baby accordingly that his life won't go as yours.. God bless!!

    [ How to protect yourself form depression and sucidal?]
    My stuff that really works, just read it.
    thank you
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