Dystopic disarray (part 1)

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Deleted SKU, Jun 30, 2015.

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  1. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    To be born beneath the shadow of resentment
    Unwanted, a lock to bind in anger
    Buffered betwixt the forces of love and hate
    To grow in worship of a spiraling chaos
    Deities of flesh and blood, cut and shed
    Bred to be broken before fixed existed
    Lost on paths, but the veins were always constant
    Flagellation of the tainted soul, infected

    To be reborn in worship of a mad deceit
    Belief a matter of convenience
    Identity lost in the hazy twilight of deluded thought
    Blinded by the light of an acceptance
    Red roses, vines as twisted as I
    A dance of blinking lights, we move as one
    Some sadistic symbiosis, soulless searching
    Until the blade strikes once more upon the tethers

    To be anointed in the tears of another
    Then washed away in the tidal force of fear
    And retrieved in a not to distant realm
    Abandoning the darkness, but taking it with me
    A shared moonlight, though solipsistic solace
    The water rises again. Help me.
    No swimmer, just a sinking life raft.
    Discarded in the seas of discontent.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Very dark, but I still like this. You craft wonderful images and tie them to concepts - "a lock to bind in anger". And I love your alliteration and rhythms - "washed away in the tidal force of fear."

    I'll be looking for Part 2 if you share it with us. :)
  3. Deleted SKU

    Deleted SKU Well-Known Member

    There will hopefully be a part 2 in one form or another, at least once I've processed my thoughts on this one. I don't usually write without a rhyme pattern, and that combined with too many new concepts I kept introducing while writing (which make sense from a personal perspective, but not from one of actually putting together a creative piece) make this feel like a mess to me.
    I don't think I can quite work out whether I want to write as a cathartic experience or a creative endeavor, and until I do... I wont get anywhere.
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think where you feel there is mess, I simply took things in as an impressionistic whole. As the author, you have an inner sense of all the things that went into this. As a reader, I found it worked. :)

    Are cathartic writing and creative writing always mutually exclusive for you? (For me, structure can be a good creative challenge, or it can be limiting and I end up writing to meet the structure and not the creative process. Catharsis, for me, happens with many things - poetry, fiction, essay - as long as I'm true to my feelings, beliefs, observations. I suppose I write more often in a cathartic sense - though not necessarily "intentionally." I guess it's different for everyone.)

    Creative or cathartic, I like the way you describe things and paint pictures with words in this poem...and in the other one you posted before. I'm hoping for more from you. :)
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