On the 22nd of February my city (Christchurch, New Zealand) was badly hit by a shallow 6.3 magnitude earthquake.. Or aftershock after the 7.1 we had in September. But I believe it was a whole new earthquake. Anyway.. Since them we've had 800 or so other aftershocks. Since the earthquake I've been so paranoid, and on edge. I feel like another big one could hit out of nowhere. When the 6.3 hit I was in bed (at 12:51pm on a Tuesday, yes.) and the chimney outside my room came down smashing my window on its way.. Glass shattering everywhere all over my bed and floor.. I only got a few cuts, lucky most of it landed on the floor. When the shaking stopped I ran to the doorway (I was upstairs which makes earthquakes feel worse, so I thought maybe it wasn't so major downstairs) But when I got to my doorway dad yelled at me to get downstairs and outside right away. Getting out was a freaking obstacle course. Everything that didn't fall in Septembers earthquake had fallen (only my bookshelf fell in Septembers, which fell again..) But eventually I got out just in time for the 5.9 aftershock.. All you could hear outside was the earth rumbling and sirens. Dad, being the smart person he is (sarcasm) decided it would be a good idea to go for a drive. My city looked like a warzone. Buildings were just rubble, roads had huge cracks, or new speed bumps, water and liquefaction everywhere. People crying, running, talking on their cellphones(or getting frustrated because their calls couldn't get through) What started off as a lazy day, especially since it was a rather chilly day had now turned into the worst thing I've ever been in. We had to go back home after a bit because the traffic was terrible and lots of roads had already been closed. When we got home we looked for a radio and listened to that. Found out people had died. And 2 buildings (CTV and PGG building) had collapsed. And the spire on the Cathedral had fallen.. I've lived here for my whole life (nearly 17 years) And I've never felt more scared about it. I jump at any noise, a cat jumping on my bed scares the crap out of me, a truck going past feels like an aftershock. And lately the wind has been crazy every big gust freaks me out. I'm too scared to sleep because what if there's another one and I have to get out quickly..I've always been one to sleep in silence and darkness as well. I love darkness.. But now just the thought of it scares me. My radio is on all the time to keep me company, which I don't ever remember doing. Then about a week after Japan was hit by a (can't remember if it was 8 or 9) but I'll go with 9.. and then hit by a huge tsunami. I don't understand how the earth can be so cruel.. Why does she make so many innocent people die? :/ I feel selfish for having so many suicidal thoughts when so many people who don't want to die, die. I don't know if this was the right place to post this, but I had to get it out. I can't wait till my favourite city in the world goes back to normal, even if that'll take a few years..