Earth's Ultimatum

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Resin, Mar 30, 2016.

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  1. Resin

    Resin New Member

    Like many others on this forum I struggle with self-esteem, self-image, the whole lot. Yet, I never pin that to my feelings of killing myself. They come randomly sometimes in the day or when I have depressed bouts. Sometimes when I read or am learning about something on this planet or in this universe or, just think about how vast everything is, I cut myself off in thought with "I want to kill myself." When I think about how amazing every little detail we humans have and how perfect it is I want to die. I was hiking last year and when I got to the peak it was so beautiful, every little blade of grass and the thick white clouds with the golden sun's light tracing over their edges and falling over through the cloud's curves and cracks to make the sky look so heavenly. I was shocked that after my brain did that great tangent about how wonderful it looks was that the next immediate thought was to just jump off the edge.
    These thoughts are so casual sometimes that everyone has suicidal thoughts. I realize I have depression and I'm not fond of that and I just think every gets sad. I think this earth is so cool. How right now I'm on here with the chance of having at least one other person read this across the globe while I continue through the week and grow and age. How these something or someone made these blinds in front of me. What used to be on this Earth years before us. Suicide seems so romantic to me. And I think this and then think how pitiful and pathetic that thought is. I should live, I've worked hard and I know my future might have nice avenues. But I won't get to see all the places on my planet because i'm doubtful I'll come into a large sum of money. This is hard to type because I'm fearful of being scrutinized but I've had to stop therapy and I'm concerned for my well being, sometimes. whatever. maybe it's just an anxiety thing. I just want someone to relate to this.
    Walter Kovacs likes this.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, welcome to the forum. You not the only one who suffers from self-esteem issues. I know it's hard but when you come to an all time low in life, you must stay strong and continue to live life on a day by day basis.

    Like many others, we all have dreams we want to forefill but these can achieved but with caring about yourself and the hardwork. You are not alone here but we can help you but you have to be strong. I am only making a suggestion, please accept my apologies if I have offended you in anyway, you must continue the therapy as it does help you.

    We all suffer aniexty but you can overcome this with doing activities such as the hiking you like doing. Please stay strong and keep posting your thoughts as we can help you.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi hun, and welcome to SF.

    Know that you are not alone with these thoughts; however I do think you need a bit of help to move on. These are very dangerous thoughts and urges and you deserve to treat yourself a lot better than that. You are worth it; you deserve to live and truly appreciate how lovely this life can be if you let yourself be helped.

    Are you seeking any help to move forward? It sounds like you could benefit from therapy and perhaps medication if you need it? Would it be something you could look into?

    It's good that you do things like hiking and getting out to still see how beautiful the world is; keep doing those activities, though do be careful it doesn't trigger your dangerous urges.

    Be kind to yourself, you deserve that
  4. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Wow. I know you wrote a lot of bad things... But that was really well written and made me think a lot. Very powerful.

    I can relate to a lot of it. I hope you can stop hurting yourself and realise that you're not bad. You're the type of person we need here. Forget how others see you or how you think they see you...

    Check this video out :

  5. sunnypseudo

    sunnypseudo Well-Known Member

    I understand. Often the thoughts of suicide are very casual. How easy it is to die or just wishing for death in the middle of unrelated thoughts. Today's trigger, if you could call it that, was staring at my desk and knowing both I and the desk were particles of different densities, and to me seems logical that my hand should be able to go through the desk. Then, there it is, death is better. Watching the birds, sometimes I smile, and some thought like that goes through my head. Sometimes I still smile, holding onto that thought, more often than I should. I know why mine is, why is yours?
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