Easy/Painless way to suicide?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anonym_91, Jan 22, 2012.

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  1. anonym_91

    anonym_91 New Member

    Hi.

    Background:
    I'm 20 y/o guy from Sweden. When I was 12 y/o, our family moved and I had to change to a new school. I really thrived at my old school, had friends since I was (basically) born that I was forced to abandon. I've always been sort of shy and I never really fit in at my new school, didn't get any friends or anything and I just missed my old school. It ended with me refusing to go to school because I hated it. Every break I just stood in some hallway by myself looking pathetic and awkward. So I was sent away from home when I was 13 (in combination of recently being diagnosed with social phobia...) to a treatment-home(google translated). I quit the contact with my parents. They came and visited like once/month but I wouldn't talk/respond to them because I hated them for putting me at this place!

    I hated it there, but I just couldn't start over again in another new school. I knew I would never be able to make friends because of how shy I am, and being stamped "Social phobic" didn't exactly strenghten my selfconfidence. It was a horrible place, it felt like most of the staff there grew to strongly dislike me because I always refused to go out and do activities and stuffs and after ~1 year they more or less ignored me. Just made food which I came to get to my room twice/day, that's it. Just starring into the lightblue wall. I just longed for the time when I turned 18 and could move out of there (which felt like an eternity). When I was 18 I got the option (which i took) to move to my own apartment with staff that buys groceries for me 4times/week. Why? I can't even go out and buy it myself because I am embarrased and uncomfortable around people. I can't even go out any more after nearly 8years of isolation.

    Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if we never moved to begin with. Makes me so sad to look back at what I've become. I have no hope of ever getting any friends/a girlfriend. I am depressed and I just want to end my shitty miserable life, it's for the best of everyone. For Sweden because I'm literally leeching money without ever having any hope of getting a job and for myself because I have no life and I can't take this shit anymore.

    I've been searching the internet the last 2days painless/easy ways to commit suicide. Literally every single one is people saying they want to end it and the respond is ALWAYS the following: "Don't give up! Life is worth living. Just get help and stay strong. You are a loved person and think about the people you hurt by doing this! Don't do it, get help!" - Great advice for everyone. But me, seeing as nothing in that description applies to me.

    ----

    Ok- so I don't have access to any drugs and such UNLESS I could get it mailed to my door. I still don't know what drug would kill me tho and it would have to be instantaneous and painless (because I'm too fucking pathetic and scared of the pain and struggeling of dieing slowly). Would love advice. I've tried starving myself twice but there too I am just too pathetic. The 2nd time I think I got really close but it ends with my brain just going into full instinct mode (I literally can not focus) and I desperately crawl to get something to eat. While googeling I checked out how hanging works and I'm too scared that it won't break my neck and I'm stuck struggeling in agony for minutes. My main idea would be some sort of drug or suicide cocktail. Perhaps this write-up was a waste of time (not that I'm lacking free-time..) but I saw the name of the forum and the sub-forum of people who failed suicide etc.. If you were in my situation, what would you do if you wanted to die painlessly? I'm greatful for any answer to help me make this happen.

    Final words: My intentions of writing this isn't venting (tho it feels good to get it out of me for the first time) and I'm not looking for help or support. I only want help from people who knows about suicide methods. If you're going to type something like "don't do it bla bla.." - consider not because I will end it sooner or later, I only want help prevent having my death being as horrible of an experience as my life was.

    /Anonymous
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2012
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi. I'm so sorry you feel so desperate that suicide seems like a good option. This is a pro-life forum, so you will not get any help regarding methods. Many people here have issues similar to yours, and they can certainly relate and might be able to offer suggestions for some ways to make living better for you. Please know that there are many different treatments available, so please consider these other options.

    You might find it useful to speak with a therapist about your feelings about being moved and put into a school where you felt alone and isolated. Our feelings about one issue can tangle up our feelings about other things, too, and make it hard to function. It is very doable to untangle things and move forward. I hope you will consider this. Sending you caring thoughts :hug:.
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I know you said you don't want support or people telling you not to do it, but that's what you'll get here as this is a pro-life forum. It's up to you if you want to end your life, I certainly won't tell you what to do, but we can't give you methods here. I wouldn't want to assist in that anyway because I only want to help people feel better.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Can you keep talking to us hun we are here NO one here will give you any information but to how to keep safe We care hun so please let us know how you are okay
    Please go to hospital and get the assistance you need to get stable
     
  5. anonym_91

    anonym_91 New Member

    Oh, I'm sorry. Delete this thread then... I didn't realize this was a forum to help people not suicide, I just saw the site-name and took for granted it was to assist and help people ending it.
     
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