Hi I'm 30 years old and I have suffered from clinical depression for 16 years. I have had 2 attempts, one in the age of 14 and the other when I was 19. I live alone and I have always relied on myself for everything. Doing simple things has turned to be very difficult for me since 6 years ago, but recently (the past several months) I can't do even the simplest of things. Simple things like paying bills, driving my car, buying food, washing the dishes, even making tea has become so difficult for me, I can't do it anymore. It's strange that I can do my job (I have 2 jobs, actually, one a full-time job as a technician and the other, a part time job as a managing editor in a magazine) but I can't do every day simple things. I understand that depression makes it difficult to focus and do daily things (I have been quite familiar with this for 6 years) but the thing I am experiencing right now is unlike anything that I have ever experienced. Even taking a shower or taking out the trash has become impossible for me. My house is full of trash and fast-food junk and I don't have the energy to take them out. Life has become so difficult for me, I have decided to end it. I am very afraid of death and suicide. After my last attempt at the age of 19 I didn't even think about suicide because I was very frightened. But right now I am so tired, I can't find any other solution. I want to know if anyone has ever experienced anything like this before. I constantly punish myself for being lazy, but this level of laziness can not be natural.