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Easy things are so difficult for me to do

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I'm 30 years old and I have suffered from clinical depression for 16 years. I have had 2 attempts, one in the age of 14 and the other when I was 19. I live alone and I have always relied on myself for everything.
Doing simple things has turned to be very difficult for me since 6 years ago, but recently (the past several months) I can't do even the simplest of things. Simple things like paying bills, driving my car, buying food, washing the dishes, even making tea has become so difficult for me, I can't do it anymore. It's strange that I can do my job (I have 2 jobs, actually, one a full-time job as a technician and the other, a part time job as a managing editor in a magazine) but I can't do every day simple things.
I understand that depression makes it difficult to focus and do daily things (I have been quite familiar with this for 6 years) but the thing I am experiencing right now is unlike anything that I have ever experienced. Even taking a shower or taking out the trash has become impossible for me. My house is full of trash and fast-food junk and I don't have the energy to take them out. Life has become so difficult for me, I have decided to end it. I am very afraid of death and suicide. After my last attempt at the age of 19 I didn't even think about suicide because I was very frightened. But right now I am so tired, I can't find any other solution.

I want to know if anyone has ever experienced anything like this before. I constantly punish myself for being lazy, but this level of laziness can not be natural.


Staff Alumni
Maybe there is also a medical reason why you are so fatigued. Please let your doctor know and see if there is anything else going on. Yes, there is an apathy that comes with depression, but sometimes there are also other underlying issues. Please look into that
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