Echo

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by ~PinkElephants~, Mar 4, 2009.

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  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    This I guess is semi finished...idk. I don't like how it posted though. It looks different from the setup how i wanted it

    Time stands still as if I were a child again.
    The moment of clarity when I knew
    what I was plays in slow motion.
    Over and over again.
    The moment she showed me through her eyes
    just what she thought of me reverberates off the hallways.
    (ECHO ECHO)
    You're nothing....
    nothing.
    Beating into my brain like the percussion section
    of a well tuned performance.
    Over and over again.
    Thump.
    Thump.
    Thump.


    Time stands still as if I were that same scared woman again.
    The moment of clarity when I knew
    what I was plays in my mind again.
    Time and time again.
    The day he told me what I truly was to him
    pounds into my brain like the well oiled machine it is.
    His words replaying over and over again
    like a broken record disgusted with its own cracking betrayal.
    (ECHO ECHO)
    You're a whore...
    whore.
    Nothing more.
    Skip, skip, crackle, skip.
    It's consistency melding my brain and my thoughts
    into the well tuned screw up I am today.
     
  2. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    it doesnt serve well to dwell in the past and forget to live. you need the strength to accept the things you cant change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. :unsure: hope this helps. I always like what you write but tortured souls are one and the same. :smile:
     
  3. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hi kelly. I like the repetition of the first two lines of the stanza. Have you thought about italicizing what the echoes say - particularly in the last bit?
     
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Could do James. I have to re-edit it anyways b/c I don't like certain bits. I had it set up differently and am ticked that sf posts go straight up and down even if i post it how it should be.

    Thank you for your input.

    Kells
     
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