ED help please

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lotte, Sep 12, 2011.

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  1. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone, just signed up today but I have this question that I've been meaning to ask someone for about a year now. Somehow I have gotten myself into this endless cycle of bingeing and starving. I feel so fat and all I want to do is lose a little weight, but the more I want to lose weight, the more stressed out I get, the more I binge. I've just broken another four day fast today with two cupcakes, two 160 cal chocolate chip cookies, cereal, four pieces of peanut buttered bread, grapes, and carrots. I'm so gluttonous and selfish. I only purged about a cupcake's worth and I'm already gaining a ton of weight. I can't explain all of this to my counseler because my parents can't afford her anymore. I can't go to another counseler because this one's the only one I talk to. I've had social anxiety disorder my entire life and I can only have face to face conversations with about two other people besides my family. Every time I break a fast, I become a bit suicidal and my first urge is to control that feeling with cutting. The problem is that my parents check my skin about once a week. I never know what to say to them once they find more cuts. Instead of cutting I sometimes just cry. When my dad hears me, he'll come in and hold me but he never understands whats wrong. If I tell them about my problems they won't understand at all. They'll just think I'm anorexic because they were afraid of me being anorexic since I can remember. If what I have is even classified as an ED, I wouldn't know which one it would be. My birthday's in five days and there's going to be :cake::cake::cake:, icecream, and a table of family expecting me to eat it. I don't know whether I'm going to binge, starve, or purge; but I do know that it just won't be possible for me to eat like a normal human being. Any suggestions? I hope I didn't bore u to death with my problems. This site is pretty niffty by the way!
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun with any eating disorder the base of the problem is self esteem hun You do need therapy a councellor to help you increase you self esteem to help you use other coping methods It is very hard to deal with this disorder on your own Get your parents to take you to a psychiatrist and get on medication maybe as well hun im sorry you are struggling
     
  3. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much for replying!
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
  5. descend/ascend

    descend/ascend New Member

    I am so sorry that you are experiences. Eating disorders as a whole or so misunderstood in many ways dismissed. However, they are very real and not just about eating and having it be done.

    Do you have real time help? A therapist that you see? A dietitian? A psychiatrist?

    I've been dealing with an eating disorder for a very long time and know that support in many forms is always helpful. Are you familiar with the support community at SomethingFishy? Loads of others who are struggling as well many who are recovering or recovered. I highly recommend a visit at that site.

    Hugs and support to you. Please do try to be kind with you.
     
  6. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    I've visited SomethingFishy before but never really got involved in it. I'll have to look into it more. Thanks for the help!
     
  7. lotte

    lotte Well-Known Member

    I really wish I was never born. I went to my phsyciatrist with my dad and I was planning on telling her all about my binge eating. I thought my dad would leave the two of us alone in the room, but he decided to stay and bring up the topic of cutting. We spent an entire half hour discussing how I was being mean to my parents by cutting myself. I don't have any friends, all I have are my parents and I just can't let them down because then I will have no one. They give up so much for me and all I do to repay them is cause them to worry about me and spend their money on anti-depressents and counseling. I really wanted to talk to my counseler about bingeing. I've got into another cycle again and this time I'm gaining a ton of weight. My counseler even 'complimented' me on how much 'fuller' I was getting. She said it looked 'healthy'. I've waited so long to tell an actual person about my problems and ruined my chance. My next session is at the end of October, I'm going to have to survive on my own until then. In the mean time, I'm getting fatter and fatter. I have a paper due tonight for a college course I'm taking that I haven't even started on; the high school pays for my class unless I fail, then I have to pay for it. I can't let myself avoid writting this essay tonight, but I'm physically sick and suicidal and just plain exhausted. I shouldn't be putting this all on you guys but I have to tell someone.
     
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